Another Year, Another Beer: The 2007 Chicago Cubs

On the eve of an off-season that brought with it an unprecedented-in-sports 300 million dollar spending spree, I need to take time and ponder just exactly which direction things are heading. I should be excited, maybe even optimistic because we've taken the steps needed to be competitive. But be careful, my good friend, because it's a slippery slope out there. It all starts out innocently enough, you're acquiring high priced talent in free agency and you start winning a few baseball games, THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOUR FAVORITE TEAM IS TRADING FOR A-ROD, YOUR PAYROLL SWELLS AND THE VALUE OF THE TEAM SKYROCKETS INTO THE STRATOSPHERE SO ONLY MARK CUBAN IS ABLE TO SWOOP IN AND BUY IT. MEANWHILE, YOU SPEND THE NEXT TWO YEARS WATCHING A SOAP OPERA OF A BASEBALL TEAM, ADVERTISEMENTS NOW SPRAWL WHERE IVY ONCE GREW AND WHILE CUBES IS ALL OVER THE T.V. HANGING OUT OF HIS OWNERS BOX, YOU CAN'T AFFORD THE NEW TICKET PRICE HIKE SO YOU’RE STUCK AT HOME ON YOUR COUCH POUNDING YOUR HEAD ON THE WALL WHILE WATCHING "FEVER PITCH II: THE FRIENDLY CONFINES" STARING JEREMY PIVEN AND KATE HUDSON.

Sorry, I just had to get that out of my system.

I'm optimistic. Not the adorable floppy-eared optimism that is usually associated with Cubs fans as in, "Oh, look at him, he thinks a 12-7 record is something to get excited about. Whoops, D Lee is out for three months! Another year down the drain!"

No, you won't find me boasting, because we don't have anything to boast about. I'm not going to walk around and talk big and act like money equates to success. To be honest, I think we may struggle for a while before we figure out what works. After all, this whole production has been cobbled together in just the past five months. What I am glad about is that the Cubs are not reliant on Wood or Prior anymore. I think leaving them in Arizona when the team travels north, letting them figure out whatever independent "genetic looseness" issues they have in the desert is the right move. I think Ted Lilly is another AL East pitcher (much like Bronson Arroyo last year) that will feast on NL Central hitting early on. I think the lefty bats of Cliff Floyd and Jacques Jones as two potential middle-of-the-lineup beasts are being majorly overlooked. I think the bullpen's success (especially Dempster, Cotts and Wertz) will have a direct relationship with the 'W' column. I think we'll honestly finish above .500 but just how much I'm not sure. Baseball, it's a very simple game if you think about it, you throw the ball, you hit the ball, you catch the ball. Well, it's easy for the fan. All we do is sit back and wait for another emotional rollercoaster of boxscores and drunk sunburns. Either way, it always amounts to a good time.

[Insert phrase using a clever pun of the verb 'to brew' here]

For the Milwaukee Brewers of the new millenium and their fans, a win percentage above .500 has become the number by which we may define whether or not the season was a success.

Each spring begets hopes for the upcoming season that are far brighter than the one before. (nota bene "the one before" is always a mediocre season). This trend reeks of the unrealistic rationalization that this team can compete for an NL Central title in late May.

As you could have predicted, this season is no different.

There are many things I will love to watch about this team. The right side of the infield. The continued improvement as one of the league's younger teams grows into their full potential. Ben Sheets, Chris Capuano, and Dave Bush. A centerfield that is devoid of Brady Clark (with the added bonus that Ned Yost finally has a position that Bill Hall can call home).

Of course, the 4-year $42 million deal signed by Jeff Suppan, the trade of Doug Davis, the uncertainty at SS and 3B and at the back of the rotation, and the lingering taste of vomit in my mouth (cough...Kevin Mench) from the Carlos Lee deal last July are a sufficient reminder that my right hand still has shit in it and my left hand is empty of any wishes fulfilled.

Why, in the one year that Milwaukee decides to spend some money on free agents, did they choose Jeff fuckin' Suppan? I know, I know, he was the NLCS MVP. He's also 32, with 4.60/1.42 career ERA/WHIP and a below average K/9 ratio (If I had my 2007 Baseball Prospectus in front of me right now, there would be far better evidence for why this may turn out to be another case of a veteran that overachieves in the playoffs being rewarded with a contract that will later appear to be indefensible.) Pissing and moaning aside, this year is as good as any for the Brewers to make the stretch run for the NL Central interesting. Neither the Astros nor the Cardinals appear to be capable of completely dominating the division and the Cubs and Reds look to be stronger than last season. Opening in April with a series against each divisional opponent, the importance of a strong start is just as relevant as its ever been. If this team can hang around past the All-Star Break, Beer Town could be in for an exciting end to its summer. If the Brewers follow form with an impressive 40-game start, then show cracks and fissures in the guise of injury and inconsistency, the dam will be broken by the end of July and we'll be having the same conversation one year hence. As ever and either way, the journey is the reward. And I'm as ready as I've ever been for its beginning.

ANTHONY ATKINSON!!!

The Men's Division II Championship Game between Winona State and Barton. After the first 5 seconds of this clip, would you be surprised if Anthony Atkinson finished with 24 points? How about 29 points? Would that be impressive?

the bad, the ugly, and the TOTALLY awesome

"don't try to stand up"



try watching this video 37 times in a row....on weeeeeeed. you won't be able to stop.

i love the sneering confidence at the top of the video. i love the staggering attempt to regain any semblance of dignity. but most of all, i love the response of the people recording this debacle.


the only sports related features of this video are 3 yao ming jerseys



completely inexplicable. what's with the cast? who the FUCK is that guy in the background? do you find yourself thinking that if this wasn't just lip-synching that the english would be less than perfect? the out takes at the end indicate that this was filmed more than once. think about that.



nerf



if i devoted as much time to anything as these guys did to the art of nerf, you would all be my peons. go commodores?


if you didnt weep openly during this segment you have no soul



enjoy.



triple dunk?




forget the dunk, i couldn't take my eyes off the woman in the foreground whose baby probably has some form of brain damage. babies are fragile.

great spacing on offense guys.



BONUS VIDEO JUST BECAUSE.....




fuck duke.

The Classics

Jim Rome vs. Jim "Chris" Everett

For those of you who don't know, this is a clip on Jim Rome's short lived ESPN2 show in 1994. Rome called Jim Everett "Chris" (after female tennis star Chris Evert) because he believed he often shied away from getting hit. Although it seems entirely plausable that this was staged, I still love it nonetheless.


The Slammin Sammy Story

It makes me laugh. It makes me think. There was a time and place when Sammy Sosa was my guy. He had a place waiting for him next to Ryne Sandberg, my childhood hero. So I guess I can't really rip on this too much, but it's confusing to watch as a Cubs fan now. I hope the whole "when a hero becomes a legend" angle includes the era when he got plunked in the head and decided to stand 10 feet away from the plate so any slider low and away could easily whiff him.... okay, I need to move on for my own sanity.

Boom Goes The Dynamite

I rediscovered this gem a couple weeks ago when ESPN's Gene Wojciechowski did a follow-up piece on our boy Brian Collins. And while I know he was a freshman sitting in for someone AND the teleprompter was on the fritz AND it's horrible to revel in his on-air suffering... it's still golden. It still holds up. My personal favorites are when he mouths "I'm so sorry" (2:24) and then he utters the immortal words "Passes to the man...and boom goes the dynamite" (1:16).

Time for the Birdman to FLY

Chris Anderson AKA The Birdman during the Dunk Contest in 2005. I still have nightmares about watching this live in real time. What a shitshow.

B Benny and $teve Flo

A video from the Bay Area (where else?). St.Francis made this for a homecoming football game against their rivals Bellarmine (the Bells). Probably my favorite piece of Web Junk from the past two years. Mind the backwards Mullin jersey and the girl push-ups in the parking lot. You know it's a hit.

Remembering Mr. Jones

Thomas Jones has gotten a bum rap during his three year stay in the city of Big Shoulders and now he's gone. For all the "good riddance" people out there, you're all idiots. You'll all feel the pinch of those words come fall. You have no idea what we just lost.

I know I'm a little biased here because of my Virginia ties, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong. I remember the day in early 2004 when T.J. inked a deal with the Bears, I was excited because I thought we got a real, genuine piece of the puzzle. Jones came out of UVa a polished specimen, finishing 5th (I think) in Heisman voting and carrying the weight of gigantic expectations. He split carries in Arizona and had some gawd-awful blocking during his first three forgettable seasons. But he showed signs in Tampa Bay and I knew from watching him in college that this was the REAL Thomas Jones. Now, when we signed him after the 2003 season, we were a laughing stock. Kordell Stewart's swan song was so excruciating to watch that when an ancient Chris Chandler filled in for him it was a breath of fresh air. THAT'S how bad we were. Rex Grossman was on his first injury and our offense was the most unstable thing at Soldier Field since Bryan Cox used to stalk the sidelines, spewing sound bytes, angling for a sportstalk radio gig once his lackluster playing days were up.

So anyway, Jones came in and did exactly what was asked of him. Averaged 4.0-plus yards per carry in his first season, blocked, caught passes, kept his nose clean. He split carries with a fading Anthony Thomas but still managed to show his meddle, just missing 1,000 yards. Now, after this first year is when they released A-Train and drafted Cedric Benson. Considering the fact that Jones had more receptions than the Bears leading wideout (David Terrell, 42 rec, 699 yards, 1 TD), I thought it seemed logical to grab a bookend WR to compliment the offseason acquisition of Muhsin Mohamed. But Bears GM Jerry Angelo went ahead and nabbed Benson with the 4th overall pick. It would be one thing if T.J. was in the twilight of his effectiveness, but he was just rounding into his prime. How the fuck are you supposed to respond to that? Well, Jones responded by having two hard running seasons, eclipsing 1,200 yards for the first time in his career. All the while, his job was precariously balanced on the whim of an organization who hasn't drafted a worthwhile running back since Neal Anderson in 1986. It was a lose-lose situation from that point on. Concede carries to Benson and he does well, people will want you gone. Concede carries to Benson and he flounders, then we're spending too much on a back-up and Jones should be scaled back until Benson finds his groove. Don't believe me? Both those things happened. During Benson's first year in 2005, after the rookie holds out all of training camp and then injuries his leg, Jones picks up the slack. He runs for 1,335 yards and 9 Tds while defenses stack the box, tempting Kyle Orton to throw the ball. Fans wonder why we invested in Benson in the first place, Angelo implores us to give "the future" some time. What about our present? Well, that happened last season. Benson came on and many jumped on that bandwagon, completely forgetting the seasoned running back that moved aside to make a Super Bowl run not only feasible, but entirely possible.

Critics say he wasn't a team player because he sat out camp before the season claiming he wasn't happy about his contract, his role on the team. I say, damn right. We treated him (as an organization) without any loyalty or respect. We took him for granted. We made it difficult to keep him by the steps that were taken. On a related note, two time Pro-Bowler Lance Briggs said earlier this week, "The Chicago Bears team? The coaches, players, city and fans? Yeah, I could stay there forever. I love it. But the Chicago Bears organization? I don't want to be there anymore. I won't play for them and I'll do everything in my power to keep from playing there." The funny thing was, after the Superbowl, I was waiting to see what happened with these two guys because I was either going to get a Jones or Briggs jersey for next year.

Bottomline, Cedric Benson has big shoes to fill and I hope he’s up for it. This isn't open mic night at the Bryn Mawr student union, this is running back for the NFC Champion Chicago Bears. You leave your ego at the door and you tote that football with all the fury of a runaway locomotive because that's how it's been done here for decades. Defense and running the football. Running the football and defense. At this point last week, I was comfortable with that premise. Now? I'm hoping on hope. A place no fan wants to be.

We'll miss you Thomas Jones.

Go Hoos.

Tobacco Road Nastiness Set to Hip-Hop

Well, I was all excited to write a glowing tribute to the fortitude, strength and overall upside of a hungry UVa hoops squad on the brink after last Thursday... but fates conspired. After a thrilling win over Virginia Tech AND a North Carolina loss, all that stood in Virginia's way of their first #1 seed going into the ACC tournament since 1995 was a road victory at lowly Wake Forrest on Saturday. As Ben and I both feared (and deep down expected), Uva came up short. Now we're likely playing Duke in the second round and I imagine they'll be just a little riled up. Speaking of...

...What the hell was that foul all about?!?! Tyler Hansbrough got fucked up on an obvious cheap shot in the closing seconds of "The Greatest College Rivalry Around" and cooler heads prevailed? Does anybody else see why this so incredibly lame? Hansbrough got his pout on (like the kid on the little league team who cries after he strikes out) and I know, I know, he was maimed and bleeding profusely... but still. If you don't have the presence of mind to flip out, brush aside your teammates and go all Tyler Durden on Coach K, bleeding on him and laughing hysterically... then I don't know if you are ready for the prime time. There, I said it...

As far as Uva goes... If they go one-and-done here, get knocked down to a 6 seed and get one of those dangerous mid-majors in the first round, I'm going to lose it myself.

ACC Tournament

ACC Tournament
Tampa, Fla.

FIRST ROUND
Thursday, March 8
Game 1: No. 8 Clemson vs. No. 9 Florida St. (Noon)
Game 2: No. 5 Maryland vs. No. 12 Miami (*2 p.m.)
Game 3: No. 7 Duke vs. No. 10 NC State (ESPN2, 7 p.m.)
Game 4: No. 6 Georgia Tech vs. No. 11 Wake Forest (*9 p.m.)

QUARTERFINALS
Friday, March 9
Game 5: No. 1 North Carolina vs. No. 8/No. 9 (ESPN2, Noon)
Game 6: No. 4 Boston College vs. No. 5/No. 12 (*ESPN2, 2 p.m.)
Game 7: No. 2 Virginia vs. No. 7/No. 10 (ESPN2, 7 p.m.)
Game 8: No. 3 Virginia Tech vs. No. 6/No. 11 (*ESPN2, 9 p.m.)

SEMIFINALS
Saturday, March 10
Game 9: Game 5 winner vs. Game 6 winner (ESPN, 1:30 p.m.)
Game 10: Game 7 winner vs. Game 8 winner (*ESPN, 3:30 p.m.)

CHAMPIONSHIP
Sunday, March 11
Game 11: Game 9 winner vs. Game 10 winner (ESPN, 1 p.m.)

Bulls/Warriors Running Diary

The Bulls/Warriors tickets fell through (although I did pick up some tickets for when LeBron comes in town later this month) but I decided to keep a running diary anyway. Listening to Johnny "Red" Kerr and "Stinky" Stacey King on WGN with the Warriors while drinking a six-pack is about as good as it gets for me. By the way, Stacey gets his nickname from being the ultimate warrior in garbage time for the Bulls in the early 90's. Onto the game...

7:39pm - Starting lineups for both teams are announced as the crowd settles into their seats. The Bulls are running out Gordon, Hinrich, PJ, Big Ben and Deng. Coach Skiles has been using P.J. Brown as a starter ever since Nocioni went down a few weeks ago. I love the move, keep it big, keep it physical, keep it heavy on the boards. The Warriors (ravaged by injury) are starting Harrington, Biedrins, Ellis, J Rich and Azubuike. Stinky Stace points out that Richardson is the only starter for them to have played any college ball. I'm feeling pretty good right now.

7:44pm - PJ Brown looks like the old man in a pickup game consisting of young guys. He demands the ball in the post, takes a "power" dribble into the lane, plods slowly toward the hoops, forces up an antiquated looking hook shot and calls his own foul. Meanwhile, all the young guards who want to run are looking at each other with sideways glances each time this happens as if to say, "Who the hell does this guy think he is?".

7:48pm - Ben Gordon is 3-for-4 from the field and has 7 points in the early going. He's one of the purest shooters in the game, hands down. He looks like a little Reggie Miller rolling off screens, squaring his shoulders at full speed and dropping his hand in the cookie jar (as the man says). The thing I love most about BG (besides the fact that he heats up so quickly and rarely forces up a bad shot) is his body language when he shoots. Just based on his release, you can tell with about 80% certainty whether or not the shot is going down. It's really uncanny.

Timeout with 6:49 left in the 1st quarter. Bulls 16, Warriors 6.

7:54pm - The Warriors switch to a 3-2 zone. I'm thinking the impetus of this move is their lack of size on the interior. With big bodies like Brown and Wallace moving people around, the Warriors tempt the Bulls to beat them from the perimeter while marganalizing their ability for cohesive team rebounding. What transpires is a barrage of treys (for both teams) as lazy rotation and deadeye shooting carry the rest of the quarter. I'm having one of those Sportscenter flashbacks when a team hits a record amount of three pointers in a game and the entire highlight is just a ticker of them raining bombs from downtown for 30 seconds. This is shaping up to be once of those games.

7:58pm - Tyrus Thomas just threw down an incredible dunk over J Rich off a Gordon alley-oop pass in transition. The play before Thomas came from the weakside and swatted Ellis into the stands. I think this whole Slam Dunk fiasco with Ty has helped him focus and let him just worry about what he can control which is being a high energy guy off the bench. In that respect he reminds me of Cliff Levingston (not style-wise mind you) from those early 90's Bulls because he comes off the bench going full speed and his effort is palpable almost immediately. Contagious effort is a commodity I wouldn't mind having in spades come playoff time.

8:06pm - Richardson hits a leaner from 40 feet with a hand in his face to end the quarter. His teammates seem only mildly excited. NBA players are freakishly good.

End of the 1st quarter. Bulls 31, Warriors 28.

8:12pm - The offensive rebounding by the Warriors tonight is astounding considering their personnel. Great energy. Never would have guessed they have lost their last three games and just played last night in Milwaukee.

8:14pm - Monta Ellis just launched a 21-footer from the wing that went 19 feet. Red Kerr brings up the stat that Ellis is shooting 25% from downtown this year which just further cements my claim that he's the new Tony Parker. Wonderful slasher, scorer in the lane and passer but just miserable shooting from distance. All he's got to do now is start dating an elfish-looking woman with a debatable degree of celebrity and rapping in foreign tongues and we have a copyright infringement on our hands.

Nellie immediately subs Ellis out for Sarunas Jasikevicius. I mention this because Sarunas is quickly climbing the list of "All-Time NBA Names that are Fun to Say" right there with Detlef Schrempf, Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf and Dikembe Mutombo.

Timeout with 8:42 left in the 2nd quarter. Bulls 36, Warriors 35.

8:24pm- Tyrus Thomas collects an offensive rebound in the paint and goes right back up (flat-footed) to flush it HARD over Adonal Foyle who's only true value is as a shot blocker. I mean, it was right in Foyle's mug. Somewhere Roman Adler just felt a chill go down his spine.

Timeout with 5:10 left in the 2nd quarter. Bulls 45, Warriors 44.

8:27pm - Gordon and Deng check back in. At this point I decide to myself that we should be up 10 by half. The very first time down the floor Harrington steps in a passing lane, weaves through three Bulls defenders on his one-man fastbreak and treats the crowd to a nice dunk. Coast-to-coast with all the ease of a stroll through Central Park. I've said it once, I'll say it again... What were the Pacers thinking?

8:34pm - Sefolosha hits another trey to make it eleven total points for the quarter. He's exuding confidence right now and I'm forced to call him a more athletic B.J. Armstrong right now. Great defender, fundamentally sound, plays within himself at all times. Just Thabo-lous.

Halftime. Bulls 62, Warriors 58.

8:57pm - The second half starts with a quick interview with an anonymous Bulls assistant coach. He says that the coaching staff spent halftime talking about how to attack the Warriors zone (which they presume will be used for the rest of the game). The half starts with the Bulls pushing the ball hard, catching the Warriors before they can set up. Within three minutes they have a 12 point lead and things look like they could get out of hand at any moment.

9:00pm - Tyrus SCREAMS after driving to the lane, drawing the foul but not finishing the three point play. He's got two big dunks in the early going of the second half and as a Bulls fan you absolutely have to love his newfound intensity. He hits both free throws and I ease back in my chair, comfortable for the first time tonight that the Bulls are in control.

Timeout with 7:18 left in the 3rd quarter. Bulls 78, Warriors 64.

9:09pm - The Warriors officially look tired. They are fouling the Bulls everytime down the floor and hurling up shots haphazardly without any of that offensive rebounding moxie they had to start the game. It's starting to look like Victor Khryapa and Malik Allen will be logging big minutes in the 4th quarter.

9:14pm - The Warriors finally switch back to man-to-man about a quarter too late.

Timeout with 2:28 left in the 3rd quarter. Bulls 88, Warriors 67.

9:18pm - Adrian "Old Man" Griffin is blowing by defenders, out hustling guys ten year his younger to loose balls... Golden State has officially checked out and I can't blame them. They are casually launching threes like the Dunleavy/Murphy Warriors of old. All players on both teams are now in cruise control and it shows. A prime example why basketball is the only sport where the college ranks are easily more watchable than their professional counterpart.

9:20pm - This stat flashes at the bottom of the screen: The Bulls are 21 of 24 from the line.

End of the 3rd quarter. Bulls 95, Warriors 69.

9:27pm - Just an astonishing couple of minutes of broadcasting... Red and Stacey spend three minutes discussing whether or not Michael Sweetney is out of shape. They ponder outloud if his weight is the reason that he's not getting more minutes. Um, what the hell is going on here? Is he just big boned? Is his nickname of Sweet Tits not enough proof for these guys? They use the example of Eddy Curry as an "extra-large guy" who still gets minutes because he can produce. Listen, as much as I despise Curry and his all-too-apparent lack of effort, he's a solid scorer. He's a woeful rebounder for his size, but he fills up the basket and that quality will be rewarded with playing time no matter what. Sweetney has all the carriage and desire of Curry with about as much touch as the Rock Biter from The NeverEnding Story.

9:30pm - The Bulls are out rebounding the Warriors 19-5 in the second half.

9:32pm - Sefolosha throws DOWN on the fast break. The Bulls are R-U-N-N-I-N-G right now. Tyrus and Thabo have both tied season (and therefore career) highs for points at 14 apiece. It's a good night to be a rookie in Chicago.

Timeout with 8:55 left in the 4th quarter. Bulls 103, Warriors 71.

9:37pm - The Bulls bench has outscored the Warriors bench 53-11.

9:43pm - Duhon steps in the way of a crosscourt pass and goes in for the uncontested dunk. This sparks two minutes of gushing from Red and Stacey about how Duhon is the ultimate role player. Stacey also informs us that, "Du used to be a big time scorer in high school". Red adds, "He needed to adapt his game to be more of a utility player in college for Coach K". I'm sorry, this has gotta end. Duhon is what he is. He's a back-up NBA guard that occasionally surprises but in no way is an exceptional athlete "reeling it in" for the sake of the team. What is it about this guy that makes everyone a well wisher? It's like hearing a flock of parents at a junior high game lauding each other's children.

Timeout with 2:57 left in the 4th quarter. Bulls 110, Warriors 81.

9:52pm - In the closing minute, the United Center starts chanting "Nocioni!" even though he's in street clothes. He flashes a big grin and gives the peace sign to the crowd. Just a nice moment and a great way to bring this puppy to a close.

Final. Bulls 113, Warriors 83.