Strolling into the slaughter

I’m going to the Virginia/UNC game tonight at the John Paul Jones Arena and I honestly don’t know why. It seems like a no-brainer right? Hanbrough. Lawton. Ellington. Singletary. Big game. Well, as it stands now, everything is not well in Hooville.


This 2007-08 UVa team is almost a carbon copy of the 2001-02 UVa hoops edition (aka my 2nd year). During my 1st year at Virginia, the Wahoos made the NCAA tournament as a 4th seed behind the stellar play of Donald Hand (Benny’s inspiration), Travis Watson (T-Wat!), Roger Mason, Jr. (only current NBA baller), Adam Hall (An admitted dunkaholic), Chris Williams (Big Smooooth) and Keith Friel (A Rich Man’s Willie Dersch). Ben and I watched with rapt attention as these young stalwarts fought through a stacked conference schedule and held their own (protecting University Hall like it was Fort Knox). The team was young and hungry and unfazed by hostile circumstances. They won nailbitters and laughers against top-flight teams.

(ASIDE: The most memorable game was at home to the Duke Blue Devils on Valentines Day. Ben and I decided not attend 90 minutes before the game because we thought we’d be turned away because the student line was already too long. I ended up falling asleep in my dorm room with a head cold while Ben watched in half delirium/half delight as the Cavaliers won in the closing minute. Ben often says his greatest sports moment of that year (besides Antonio Freeman’s MNF catch) was when Adam Hall dunked off an ally-oop all over the Missing Link (Shane Battier) late in the second half. Not learning our lesson, we stubbornly repeated this feat less than a year later when we decided to spend a hungover Saturday afternoon watching Snatch instead of going to a seemingly innocuous football game against Georgia Tech. Oh yeah, the Wahoo’s won the game on the final play with a hook-and-ladder after a slugfest with one of the premier offenses in the nation. I still hate myself for missing that one.)

Back to hoops... Unfortunately, the Wahoos were knocked off by an egregiously seeded Gonzaga team at the buzzer in the first round. What I really missed about this team was the upside, it was so undeniable that you could lather yourself up in it and take a hope shower after every big win. TJ’s University had its team, its big-headed Brooklyn coach and its future of ACC relevance sprawled out in front of it. We came for the education but we fell in love with the basketball.

Then the next season happened. We lost Donald Hand and gained Elton Brown. We started the season 14-2, we finished it 16-12 and lost to South Carolina in the first round of the NIT. As a result, our love for this team hasn’t quite been the same since that magical 00-01 regular season.

That was until last year.



Sean Singletary, J.R. Reynolds, Mamadi Diane and Adrian Joseph filled up the bucket as a hearty and determined frontcourt pieced together the stout defense. Ben and I have already discussed the trapdoors and hopefulness associated with this team, but it’s important for me to reiterate just how important last year was for us. It got us interested all over again. Sean Singletary came into this season as an All-American. We were a couple baskets away from the Sweet Sixteen last March. We had a share of the ACC crown. All eyes were on this squad to continue to build on last years success. Albeit, losing J.R. hurt us, but we still felt like we were tournament material as the season started in November.

Flash forward to today.

After starting the season 10-2 and upsetting then #17 Arizona, we felt like we were decently prepared for the ACC conference schedule even while Lars Mikalauskas, Tunji Soroye and Solomon Tat were injured (even while Ryan Pettinella friskily roams the hardwood for 14 mpg - ugh). Now the Wahoos are 11-11 (1-8 ACC) and the bottom can’t come soon enough. Sean Singletary has been playing through a painful hip pointer and, as tough as he is, he cannot carry the team singlehandedly. The trapdoor has fallen once again.

I guess I’m going to this game because the memory of that missed Valentine’s Day upset against Duke still haunts me, but who really knows. I just hope I don’t fall asleep tonight with nightmares of Hansbrough dropping 40 on us in the most lopsided game of the year. Such is the life of a UVa basketball fan…

Oh, Mr. Simpson, I cannot go there! Jacksonville Municipal Stadium was the site of my spiritual depantsing!

1:09 pm - It's a couple of moments before kickoff and I'm watching the Gator Bowl with my Dad in Keswick, VA. We have both spent the better part of the morning in bed nursing what we both hope is the worst hangover of 2008. My Mom (aka the smart one who didn't partake in the copious whiskey drinking and cigar smoking) is reminding us in a purposely shrill tone that it's a beautiful day outside.

I was a boy of 13 the last time Virginia played on the first of January. I've been going to UVa homecoming games with my parents for as long as I could sit still for three hours and be sedated with promises of popcorn and hot dogs. I learned "the good ole song of wa-hoo-wa" before I could read or write. So, basically, yeah, this was a big deal for me.

I ask my Dad for his prediction right before kickoff, he shakes his head grimly:
"Not good, Bubba. Texas Tech 37 , UVa 21"

1:11pm - Robbie Gould's brother booms the opening kick off out of the endzone. So far, so good.

1:13pm - Chris Long bats a Texas Tech pass down on 3rd and 10, a punt ensues. I love that the University retired his number before he played in his last game with the reasoning, "Why wait?"


1:19pm - After a three and out for Virginia, my Dad and I watch one of those Sonic commercials where those two guys sit in a car and talk about the new menu items. Comments such as "Can you name two more annoying people on TV than these jagoffs?" and "Have you ever actually SEEN a Sonic before?" are volleyed back and forth. There are many questions... but few answers.

1:27pm - Tech marches down the field and scores a TD. The word "methodical" comes to mind. 10 plays, 78 yards and 3:37 off the clock. I already hate the spread offense. Does this team even recruit running backs?

1:31pm - The announcer prognosticates, "We might see Lalich at some point in this game." (Translation: "This will be a blowout and the true freshman who hasn't played a down since Week 5 will get some reps in garbage time.")

1:38pm - Virginia QB Jameel Sewell has a couple nice runs, Mikell Simpson makes an appearance and picks up 11 yards on 2 carries. Nice drive so far - we're in the Red Zone!

1:39pm - It's the much beloved jump pass to TE Jonathan Stupar for six points! The announcers say Sewell has "channeled his inner Tim Tebow". Yay!

Tied at 7-7, 4:48 left in the first quarter.

1:46 pm - Amazing play by the Texas Tech punter Jonathan Lacour. The ball was long snapped over his head, he scrambles for it and gets off a rushed kicked it WITH HIS LEFT FOOT WHILE GETTING ARMBARED TO THE GROUND and still managed a 15 yard punt. Virginia has another fabulous three and out from the 50 yard line and punted right back to them, downing it just inside the Red Raider 15 yard line. Basically, Lacour saved the Texas Tech 3 points.

1:52pm - Nate Collins gets two of them back by sacking Graham Harrell in the endzone!!! I’m having NFC Championship flashbacks. This is officially a good thing.

1:57pm- End of first quarter, Virginia 9-7

Dad leans over:

"Well, so far so good. If the game ended now, we'd win. Right son?"

I nod.

"I have a firm grasp of the obvious. Okay"

Whiskey kills brain cells, I’m fairly certain.


2:08pm - The Chris Long lovefest continues. I'm very comfortable with this premise.

2:11pm - Jeffery Fitzgerald puts his hat on Harrell to make it 2nd and 18. Then Clint Sintim gets held on a screen pass. 2nd & 28 on the Texas Tech 37. After an incomplete pass it looks like the D is about to slam the door.

2:15pm - The door slams but a window opens. Lacour booms a punt that is downed on the Virginia 2 yard line. This could be the only game in bowl history that is 9-9 without any field goals. Lacour is easily the MVP of the game so far.


2:19pm - Well, that last statement lasted for all but 4 minutes. Mikell Simpson just set a Gator Bowl (and UVa school) record with a 94 yard run. Just GORGEOUS blocking. Benny calls as he crosses the goaline and we simply start exchanging single words for the next 30 seconds... "NASTY" "GROSS" "SICK" “UNREAL”

To be honest, I was just happy to see him manipulating the telephone again in a responsible manner. I was a little worried about him last night based mostly around the rambling incoherent messages he left me. Seven, to be exact.

Just as a point of reference, Karen (Benny's wonderfully understanding girlfriend) posted this on my Facebook wall this morning: “Ben crossed over to the dark side last night... Let's just say, this morning he told me he has no memory of "happy new year". But I was able to capture a video of him singing and dancing to THE HOT STEPPER by Ini Kamoze. I really could have used your back.”

Benny. You are truly the standard by which "I think he's had too much" is measured.

2:26pm - Virginia 16-7 with 6:39 left in the half. The Wahoos look strong on defense and force another punt.

2:28pm - As I'm furiously typing away on my laptop during a commercial break, my Dad muses outloud:
"That's a helluva rack."
I look up with great interest.
It's a Hartford Mutual commercial.
I turn my attention back to the laptop, perturbed.

2:36pm - ANOTHER INTENTIONAL GROUNDING IN THE ENDZONE!!! This time LB Clint Sintim is the culprit. What are the odds? No. Seriously.

Virginia leads 18-7 AND we get the ball back with 2:32 left in the half.

2:40pm - I enjoy statistics.

Rushing yards
UVa - 164
Texas Tech - negative 16

To borrow a phrase from Benny, Texas Tech's running game exists in a vacuum.

2:44pm - A roughing the passer call puts UVA at the 18 yard line with 32 seconds left. This is followed by a pass to guard Brandon Albert who lined up as a tackle so he assumes eligible receiver status. The play gains 6 yards and my Dad posits that they are throwing him in the playbook as a token of good faith so he won't jump to the NFL this summer. Albert is listed at 6-7 and 315 pounds. I say we line him up in the slot and see if he kills anyone.

2:49pm - Gould hits a FG as time expires to make it an unconventional 21-7 at half time. Texas Tech coach Mike Leach gives a whinny interview as he walks off the field with the basic message being, "Take away a couple big plays and they really haven't moved the ball on us that much." Um, ok.




3:13pm - The second half starts with a Texas Tech successful onside kick. Wonderful.

3:14pm - Texas Tech fumbles, Virginia recovers, but he was initially ruled down so the Red Raiders retain possession. While this is a challengeable play, nothing happens. They better not score a touchdown here, otherwise that is a complete mind fuck.

3:22pm - Texas Tech marches down the field and scores a touchdown. CB Chris Cook's replacement #19 (not going to dignify him by looking up his name) blows his coverage assignment. This is either a turning point in the game or it isn't. We're about to find out.

Virginia 21-14 with 10:01 in the 3rd quarter. My head hurts.

3:29pm - Stupar pulls in a first down pass on third down and long off a ball deflected at the line. Maybe the good ju-ju is coming back to our side.

3:31pm - Mikell Simpson is down on the field after an unsuccessful option. It looks like his head was driven into the ground. He walked off after a minute or two, but he's certainly seeing stars. I'm just going to shut up for a while.

3:42pm - Virginia stands tough and halts a promising drive. Texas Tech fails to convert on 4th down. Mike Leach goes for it on 4th down more than Benny does when he's playing Madden after a 12pack.

3:47pm - Sewell has a nice run, followed by a nice run by Jackson. The report from the sideline is Simpson has a neck stinger, he'll be sore tomorrow, but he's getting back in. Things are looking up.

3:49pm - Sewell fumbles a snap and then sails his 14th pass of the game. Punt.

Sewell is joining the ranks of my extremely volatile “Sports Love-Hate Relationship List” which includes Rex Grossman, Kirk Hinrich and Rich Hill. For the record, this is NOT a good list to be on.

3:51pm - Virgnia recovers a fumble at midfield after a Texas Tech pass completion. Just a fabulous defensive play. We desperately need a short field.

3:54pm - End of the 3rd. Virginia 21 -14. Holla.

4:00pm - Sewell, after picking up a first down on a run up the middle, is hurt. It looks like he could be out for the game. True freshman Peter Lalich is warming up. My mom made me a grilled cheese sandwich to cheer me up. She's the best.

4:04pm - Lalich goes three and out, almost throws a pick, but one of the Texas Tech players lines up in the neutral zone. Simpson promptly picks up the first down. It becomes quite evident that we are really going to tempt fate in the final quarter of this game.

4:07pm - A celebration penalty is called on Texas Tech after a fairly typical tackle in the flat. My Dad correctly identifies the problem: "This is a dumb bell team."

The penalty moves us to 2nd & 3 on the 8 yard line still up 21-14 with 12:14 left in the game. Lalich is officially in a "dare to be great" scenario.

4:12pm - Lalich finds Simpson for a dumpoff pass that concludes in the endzone. Virginia leads 28-14. My Dad went upstairs to shoot a squirrel filling his gullet at our birdfeeder with an airgun strategically placed on a second floor landing. Things are really starting to happen in the King household.

4:18pm - Tech converts on 4th & 4

4:21pm - Tech converts on 4th & 3 on a pass interference call. They are really starting to play with fire.

4:23pm - Standout Texas Tech WR Michael Crabtree catches a tipped pass for a 15 yard gain. They are now in the red zone. Talk about nickel and diming your way down the field. There's 8:45 left in the game.

4:28pm - Fourth and goal on the 1 yard line. "This could be the game"

4:29pm - They pass it? Harell feels the pressure. Incomplete. Wahoo's take over on the their 1 yard line. After three runs up the middle, Virginia punts from the shadows of their own goalpost. Tech takes over on their 48 with 5:38 left, down two touchdowns. It's looked VERY promising.

4:35pm - Chris Long on three straight plays: streaks by his defender and causes a holding penalty, slides by two defenders and hurries a pass for incompletion, bats down a pass. He's got a big piece of sod in his helmet and looks to be snarling at this point. My hand hurts from high-fiving my Dad.

4:38pm - #19 is getting TORCHED. He just interfered with Crabtree in the end zone and he STILL caught the ball for a touchdown. There's 3:31 left and it's now a 7 point game. It's time to pick up some first downs running the ball.

4:43pm - After a touchback, Brandon Albert incurs a false start penalty. 1st and 15. Christ.

4:45pm - Lalich fumbles, Texas Tech recovers on the Virginia 4 yard line. First and goal for Texas Tech. We have just lost cabin pressure.



4:48pm - Texas punches it in. Tie game. Unbelievable. Erie silence.

5:03pm - Sewell is back to run a 3 minute drill. Hope the knee is OK.

5:05pm - Three and out. 2:17 left.

5:06pm - Poor punt for UVa.

5:07pm - Dad and I look at each other and say "self destruct" at the same time. It's quiet in here.

5:08pm - Texas Tech recovers it's own fumble. Naturally.

5:09pm - Tech is in field goal range. 24 seconds left in the game. Just waiting for the axe to drop.

5:11pm - Texas Tech kicker Tralica comes out onto field. He's 12/20 on the season. Seven seconds left. 41 yard FG awaits.

5:12pm - Groh ices Tralica

5:13pm - Game Over. Texas Tech 31, Virginia 28.

That was just brutal.

Wahoo Pride

I must admit, as far as college football goes, the University of Virginia is always the program just good enough to entertain, but never too good enough to be great. I'm familiar with the 6-5 version that plays their bowl games around Christmas time. I'm occasionally acquainted with the 7-4 version that sniffs the top 25 by seasons end. But to be honest, the only way I can get through an inevitable 4 or 5 win season is to forget the result and attach my rooting interests onto memorable players. And even though we're 2-1 so far this season (with scant wins against lowly Duke and UNC), I'm beginning to think about what Chris Long would look like in the same blue-and-orange playing on Sundays. So, if you'll indulge me, some Wahoo's of note in the NFL:


Aaron Brooks: Interesting Career. Passed for 20,000 yards and 123 TDs. Beat St. Louis in the 2000 playoffs with 4 TD passes. Constantly at the helm of 8-8 teams. This paragraph from Wikipedia probably best sums up his career in a nutshell:

Brooks' decision making, showcased in an infamous backwards pass thrown to an offensive lineman in a 2004 loss in San Diego, was the target of criticism from New Orleans fans. To exacerbate the problem, Brooks exhibited a cavalier attitude, a broad smile accompanied each of his mistakes. New Orleans Saints' fans were all the more appreciative of Drew Brees, considering the juxtaposition of his play against that which had been witnessed during the six years Aaron Brooks wore the black and gold."

Also, notice how a Virginia Tech player leaves him hanging after he passes for a touchdown to Thomas Jones (whom I've already extolled the virtues of):

Patrick Jeffers: Had a five year career with Denver, Dallas and Carolina. His best season was in 1999 with Carolina - 63 rec, 1082 yards, 17.2 ypc, 12 TDs. Every year, Jeffers gets together with "Easy" Ed McCaffrey, Tom Waddle and Ricky Proehl in Vegas to play in the “Gritty White Possession-Receiver Tee-Off for the Cure” Skins tournament.

D’Brickashaw Ferguson: D’Brickashhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaawwwwwwww

Heath Miller: Won a Super Bowl his rookie year with Pittsburgh. Has a Bubba Franks-like love affair with catching the ball in the end zone. For those of you who don't know, his nickname is "Big Money". Feel free to call him that. I do.

John St. Clair: Won't you care for John Sinclair?


Ronde and Tiki Barber: The pride of UVA football. Played in the mid-90's the last time the Cavaliers were truly in the national consciousness. I'm secretly hoping that they are paired in the same booth commentating NFL games within the next ten years. They could bring back Melissa Stark to do sideline reporting and Mike Groh could just, you know, hang around her. Al Groh could be the old-coach-turned-disgruntled-color-guy. Is that asking too much?

Matt Schaub: On the heels of an excellent 2-0 start, I’m finally ready to embrace the Houston Texans and their upstart offense led by Matt "I guess you bet on the wrong Virginia boy" Schaub. And to tell you the truth, it's been long overdue.

Remembering Mr. Jones

Thomas Jones has gotten a bum rap during his three year stay in the city of Big Shoulders and now he's gone. For all the "good riddance" people out there, you're all idiots. You'll all feel the pinch of those words come fall. You have no idea what we just lost.

I know I'm a little biased here because of my Virginia ties, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong. I remember the day in early 2004 when T.J. inked a deal with the Bears, I was excited because I thought we got a real, genuine piece of the puzzle. Jones came out of UVa a polished specimen, finishing 5th (I think) in Heisman voting and carrying the weight of gigantic expectations. He split carries in Arizona and had some gawd-awful blocking during his first three forgettable seasons. But he showed signs in Tampa Bay and I knew from watching him in college that this was the REAL Thomas Jones. Now, when we signed him after the 2003 season, we were a laughing stock. Kordell Stewart's swan song was so excruciating to watch that when an ancient Chris Chandler filled in for him it was a breath of fresh air. THAT'S how bad we were. Rex Grossman was on his first injury and our offense was the most unstable thing at Soldier Field since Bryan Cox used to stalk the sidelines, spewing sound bytes, angling for a sportstalk radio gig once his lackluster playing days were up.

So anyway, Jones came in and did exactly what was asked of him. Averaged 4.0-plus yards per carry in his first season, blocked, caught passes, kept his nose clean. He split carries with a fading Anthony Thomas but still managed to show his meddle, just missing 1,000 yards. Now, after this first year is when they released A-Train and drafted Cedric Benson. Considering the fact that Jones had more receptions than the Bears leading wideout (David Terrell, 42 rec, 699 yards, 1 TD), I thought it seemed logical to grab a bookend WR to compliment the offseason acquisition of Muhsin Mohamed. But Bears GM Jerry Angelo went ahead and nabbed Benson with the 4th overall pick. It would be one thing if T.J. was in the twilight of his effectiveness, but he was just rounding into his prime. How the fuck are you supposed to respond to that? Well, Jones responded by having two hard running seasons, eclipsing 1,200 yards for the first time in his career. All the while, his job was precariously balanced on the whim of an organization who hasn't drafted a worthwhile running back since Neal Anderson in 1986. It was a lose-lose situation from that point on. Concede carries to Benson and he does well, people will want you gone. Concede carries to Benson and he flounders, then we're spending too much on a back-up and Jones should be scaled back until Benson finds his groove. Don't believe me? Both those things happened. During Benson's first year in 2005, after the rookie holds out all of training camp and then injuries his leg, Jones picks up the slack. He runs for 1,335 yards and 9 Tds while defenses stack the box, tempting Kyle Orton to throw the ball. Fans wonder why we invested in Benson in the first place, Angelo implores us to give "the future" some time. What about our present? Well, that happened last season. Benson came on and many jumped on that bandwagon, completely forgetting the seasoned running back that moved aside to make a Super Bowl run not only feasible, but entirely possible.

Critics say he wasn't a team player because he sat out camp before the season claiming he wasn't happy about his contract, his role on the team. I say, damn right. We treated him (as an organization) without any loyalty or respect. We took him for granted. We made it difficult to keep him by the steps that were taken. On a related note, two time Pro-Bowler Lance Briggs said earlier this week, "The Chicago Bears team? The coaches, players, city and fans? Yeah, I could stay there forever. I love it. But the Chicago Bears organization? I don't want to be there anymore. I won't play for them and I'll do everything in my power to keep from playing there." The funny thing was, after the Superbowl, I was waiting to see what happened with these two guys because I was either going to get a Jones or Briggs jersey for next year.

Bottomline, Cedric Benson has big shoes to fill and I hope he’s up for it. This isn't open mic night at the Bryn Mawr student union, this is running back for the NFC Champion Chicago Bears. You leave your ego at the door and you tote that football with all the fury of a runaway locomotive because that's how it's been done here for decades. Defense and running the football. Running the football and defense. At this point last week, I was comfortable with that premise. Now? I'm hoping on hope. A place no fan wants to be.

We'll miss you Thomas Jones.

Go Hoos.