lest you thought i didn't have any emotions regarding brett favre...

this is an out-of-context e-mail response to my dad and his wisconsinite friend about the recent developments. it's the best i can do presently. this whole deal makes me sick to my stomach. *turns to hit 'play' button to resume listening to "Superstar" as sung by Bette Midler while forlornly sitting in a bubble bath with a bloody mary and surrounded by lit candles scented like apples and clean linen*

"where there's smoke, there's fire but we can never know what transpired behind closed doors. suffice it to say that both brett and management have erred in judgment privately and publicly and as a result the unthinkable has happened and has been allowed to continue to happen.

it's no time for thompson to engage in a battle of ego here. what is best for the packers is brett as quarterback. there are 25 other teams in the league who would kill for a quarterback of his caliber. it defies all logic to choose aaron, who has thrown 59 passes IN HIS CAREER, over brett, who at 38 played one of his best ever seasons. aaron's had 4 months of offseason preparation and game planning. who the fuck cares? with brett favre the packers are the favorite to represent the nfc in the super bowl. without him, they're a question mark. brett has pride, sure. he's been unclear and secretive and combative and all-in-all noncommital as to what he's wanted to do until now. i'll forgive him all that. not because of what he's done on the field, but because he's human. he's a football player and he's the best at what he does. he's not paid to be a fucking diplomat.

thompson, as a general manager, cannot and should not win the battle of pride here. that's not his job. his job is to help the packers win the super bowl. the right thing for the packers is to bring brett back with open arms, forgive him his recent uncertainty and statements, and move on. if aaron is upset, trade HIM. they'll get better value dollar for dollar than they would for brett. and if brett rides off into the sunset (again) next year, there's always brian brohm."

The case for the Brewers...

Brewers post-All Star break record: 1-0

Cubs post-All Star break record: 0-1

Convincing argument, right?

The Bowler and I can agree that we haven’t mutually anticipated the dog days this much since we’ve known each other. Though the 2007 campaign remained in doubt until the last series of the season, as early as Independence Day, it was all too apparent that we were supporting teams headed in opposite directions.

This year has far different feel to it. After an uncharacteristically slow start, the Crew are 12 games over .500 since losing 6 straight games to begin May. Over the same period of time, the Cubbies have played even better at 14 games over .500. With 76 games remaining, both teams have demonstrated consistency and begin the home stretch playing well enough to be considered pennant frontrunners in the National League. The recent trades for Sabathia and Harden only served to raise the intensity and drama of the chase. The watches and car keys are in the pot and both teams believe they possess the better hand.


Of course, the Cubs currently have the advantage, not only in their 4-game lead in the standings, but in the way that they have hit and pitched thus far. The Brewers’ sometimes baffling inability to get on base and their misadventures in the field and bullpen continue to try my patience and are a little too reminiscent of last year’s historical collapse. Given the present state of affairs, it is unlikely that the Brewers will be able to catch the Cubs before the end of the regular season.

As of today, playoff projections indicate that the probability is that the Cubs will win the NL Central outright and that the Brewers have the best likelihood of any team in the National League to secure the Wild Card. Much will be settled in the 10 remaining games that the Brewers and Cubs are scheduled to play, 7 of which will take place in Milwaukee (I will try to ignore the fact that traditionally Cubs fans have made Miller seem like Wrigley), where Milwaukee has the 2nd-best homefield advantage (behind the Cubs). The Brewers and the Cubs will also play in the last series of the regular season which, if the issue is fought out on this line all summer, will result in a release of the contents of my bladder whether or not the Brewers secure a playoff berth.

Presuming the numbers are correct (which presumption may turn out to be foolhardy given the snowballing avalanche that is the New York fucking Mets) and also the import of the remaining games between the two teams, the pennant will be decided on the field between the two teams in the NLCS. This offers some encouragement to the Brewers, who in 6 games at Wrigley Field this year (their only so far against the Cubs), have taken 4. However, those will be ancient history by the time October rolls around. These are the hosses and guns that will decide the fray:

Starting rotations:

Sheets/Sabathia/Parra/Suppan/McClung-Bush

Zambrano/Harden/Lilly/Dempster/Marquis


On the track:

Braun/Cameron/Hart

Soriano/Edmonds/Fukudome


Around the horn:

Hall-Branyan/Hardy/Weeks/Fielder/Kendall

Ramirez/Theriot/DeRosa/Lee/Soto


Out of the ‘pen:

Torres/Riske/Shouse

Wood/Marmol/Howry


On the pine:

Kapler/Counsell/Dillon

Cedeno/Fontenot/Johnson


Looking at that, we’re in for a potentially epic duel down the stretch.

The Brewers have the advantage because they are more of a known quantity and, in my view, will better sustain their performance.

For the Cubs, uncertainty abounds. Can Alfonso Soriano return from the DL at the end of July and resume playing at a high level? Can Ryan Dempster, Jim Edmonds, Ryan Theriot, and Mark DeRosa continue to outperform projections? Can Jim Edmonds and Rich Harden stay healthy? The second half for the Cubs points to at least a slight regression to the mean.

Ryan Dempster is 31 and has already pitched 30 innings more than he did in his best season in 2005. DeRosa, 33, is having his best season as a professional baseball player. Jim Edmonds has been steadily declining since the 2006 season and he hasn’t had more than 400 at-bats since 2005. In Ryan Theriot’s only full season, he struck out more than he walked and his numbers of .266/.326/.346 make my penis erect. Tony Womack is his most similar comparison by age. And everyone knows Rich Harden hasn’t pitched more than 100 innings since 2005. He’s at 82 innings right now.

For the Brewers, Prince Fielder, J.J. Hardy, Ryan Braun, Mike Cameron, Corey Hart, and Russell Branyan all OPS+ at 115 or higher. They are far younger than the Cubs, particularly at amongst the starters, and less likely to fade down the stretch. And, if they survive until mid-October, the Cubs would do well to remember that Yovani Gallardo will be ready to return. Sheets, Sabathia, Gallardo, and Parra would arguably be the scariest 4-man rotation in the Major Leagues.

The final nail in the Cubbies’ collective coffin: Come October, the Cubs will have gone 100 years without winning a World Series. If they win the pennant, that would potentially ruin a perfectly good cocaine party hosted by Gary Sinise and Journey. We’ll be at the Drake Hotel on East Walton Place. I’ll be the one wearing the urine-stained boxers and the Paul Molitor jersey.

Brewers as NL Champs? That's just like, your opinion, man.

The Cubs (not the Brewers) will represent the National League in the Fall Classic this year. Mark it, Dude.


People assume that Cubs fans are highly superstitious and thus highly guarded in their proclamations of superiority (albeit seasonal). Many of the Wrigley faithful groaned as Bernie Mac sung “root, root, root for the cha-amps” during the 7th inning stretch at Game 6 of the 2003 NLCS with the Cubs holding a 3-1 lead. Obviously that was a social gaffe because putting the cart in front of the horse, especially in such a highly charged situation lacks tact and understanding. However, had the whole Bartman/Prior/Gonzalez meltdown never occurred, no one would even remember that momentary slip of common sense. The way things actually happened, the exquisitely painful series of events that unfolded triggers many drunken blue-capped ladies and gentleman to work themselves into a foamy lather regarding one diabolical curse. The motives of the hands are unknown to us, but the devices He uses are iconic: a billy goat in ’45, a black cat in ’69, Leon Durham’s wickets in ’84, a grabby baseball nerd in ’03. Last month Dirty and I were sitting against the left field wall just a caps toss away from the Bartman seat (which has a sticker on it so people know which one to pose in for pregame pictures) and as the innings went on and the beers piled up, I had to consciously remind myself to dive out of the way if a pop fly was hit in my direction with the Cubs in the field. While I understand this isn’t an advanced concept, my head was a little fuzzy with Old Style and split second decisions in that state usually amount to some awkward lunge at the ball on my part. But now, I must be forever aware of Moises Alou patrolling the outfield lest I somehow in manage to interfere and end up on Sportscenter as “a typical idiot Cubs fan”. Those are the everyday realities of the Northsider and probably why most outsiders looking in share a mixture of sympathy and disgust. Sympathy at the perennial losing, disgust at how trivial this “badge of worry” attitude all seems. Well, for this post, I’m shelving all that cautious crap and making a brief argument for the leaders in the clubhouse at the turn, the 2008 Chicago Cubs for the NL pennant.



Possible rotation for an NLDS - Game 1: Zambrano, Game 2: Harden, Game 3: Dempster, Game 4: Zambrano, Game 5: Harden. Just a week ago I wrote how the C.C. Sabathia trade was an intimidating pick-up, luckily that feeling only lasted 24 hours. If we stay healthy at the top of our rotation, nobody can beat our starters – Not the Brewers. Not the Diamondbacks. Nobody.



Two ROY candidates and All-Stars starters in Kosuke Fukudome and Geovany Soto. Not since Jerome Walton and Dwight Smith going one-and-two in the Rookie of the Year balloting in 1989 has Chicago been more juiced up about a pair of newcomers.

The Cubs have a MLB leading run differential of +108 while the Cardinals (+18) and Brewers (+12) are distant also-rans in the category. Since the Cubs are only 5.5 and 6 games up respectively, one could intuit that multiple blowouts and difficulty with one run games are the cause. However, the Cubs are a touch above .500 (15-14) in one run contests. The Cardinals (19-16) and Brewers (19-10) have faired a little better, but I feel that these statistics rest in favor of the Cubbies. Whenever you are x10 better than other teams at something as elemental to the outcome of games as runs scored/runs conceded then the dam will eventually break.

Reason #341 why the Brewers won’t win the NL pennant in 2008: Eric “The 10 million dollar man” Gagne in his fourth appearance since coming off the DL on July 12th:

1.0 IP, 27 pitches, 4 hits, 4 runs, 4 ER, 2 HR, 1 K



Not since Rick Mirer has there been the potential for such a handsomely paid benchwarmer.

The Brewers have crumbled before and they have lasted thus far grit, moxie, homeruns and Ben Sheets. I know, I know, Manny Parra is a nice little story. Ditto Corey Hart in all his beer soaked glory. But in the end, it’s Fielder and Braun and little else. Wrigley Field boasts six batters with over 300 ABs and at least .370 OBP (Theriot .396, Ramirez .387, Fukudome .384, DeRosa .378, Lee .371, Soto .370). The Brewers? Zero. The closest is J.J. Hardy with 303 ABs and a .356 OBP.

The Brewers are a nice story, but the team to beat is that way for a reason. And this year, in light of this new shit, well, I rest my case.

"Certain things have come to light. And, you know, has it ever occurred to you, that, instead of, uh, you know, running around, uh, uh, blaming me, you know, given the nature of all this new shit, you know, I-I-I-I... this could be a-a-a-a lot more, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, complex, I mean, it's not just, it might not be just such a simple... uh, you know?"

A Ridiculous Assumption

An Essay on why I truly believe Lou Piniella is being darted with sedatives by the Cubbie Brass

The Bowler and I have had innumerable discussions regarding sporting topics ranging from hilarious names (see God Shammgod, Siphiwe Tshabalala, et al.) to song parodies, and even as far as actual nitty-gritty statistical analyses (the most absurd topic of the three mentioned, I know). However, the one discussion that remains a running joke, whilst also maintaining a certain credibility, is how we both believe the Cubs' front office utilizes blow guns to sedate the often feisty manager of our beloved Cubs.

While Sweet Lou ages, as with most people, he appears to mellow significantly. But, during his previous stint as Tampa's coach, the difference between his temperament in the same role at the other ballclubs was negligible at best. After his hiatus from the bench, Piniella came to the North Side in a flurry of press and excitement. Already he showed a calm outward demeanor, only rarely trumped by his famous temper during his first season in charge of the Cub. Is the time and place in which this phase of his life finds him responsible for this diametric shift in personality/temperament?

While this could certainly play a part, I believe studying the physical, emotional, and perceptual faculties of the man might lead to a more surprising conclusion: Lou Piniella is being darted with a fairly significant sedative by the Cubbie Brass. It seems to be a systemic push, with no single member of the front office responsible for tranq-ing the man on a regular basis. It's more of a, "Lou's looking a little wired" (Phoot, goes the blow gun, delivering a hefty dose of animal tranquilizer through an almost imperceivable missile), "That should keep him on an even keel."

The effects are obvious, and those of us who have listened to the full gamut of pre, post, and in-game conversations with Sweet Lou can notice when and in what quantity the old dawg receives a dose of pacification juice. Of course the glassy eyes and stammering speech in pregame press meetings allude to some level of sedation. However, there are other indicators. Occasionally he can be found sating his sweet tooth with some candies (licorice, tootsie rolls, etc) during these interviews. Its not just the craving itself, but the almost childish glee apparent on his mug whilst masticating the processed sugar treats. This fact, when coupled with the very elongated "um's" and "uh's" that he peppers throughout his speeches, begin to elucidate the origins of this essay and our reason for believing such actions are in fact taking place.

Of course, the manner of speech and heightened sweet tooth could also be related to Sweet Lou's getting on in age (and may allude to any number of factors from the good ol' days of baseball when everyone was doping in one way or another, be it by amphetamines, cocaine, or various other devious means). However, the lethargic movements of both mind and body in pregame press conferences make little sense. He couldn't be tired already, he just got there. So why, then, are his reflex actions (like blinking, swallowing) affected? His blinking slows to a point of almost pausing, his mouth sometimes works more like an old school nutcracker (as if controlled by a primitive lever system), he sways quite noticeably, and will occasionally zone out, mid sentence. All of these factors more than account for my belief in an external agent pacifying Lou Piniella.

The kicker is that on more than one occasion, while the Bowler and I sat watching a game, a very fiery manager in the beginning of the contest would give way to a very relaxed and ponderous coach as the game wore on, regardless of circumstances (be it in a close game, a blow-out, being blown out). Could they possibly be darting him in the midst of a game? Absolutely yes, especially as the big wigs of the Cubs organization would have multiple angles and vistas from which they could unleash a barrage of dipped darts. The true indicator would be if they over-medicated him, causing a sheer collapse in consciousness. My hope is that there is enough communication at the top to realize the dire consequences of overestimating the rate at which Lou's older body metabolizes the sedatives. We all appreciate what he's done in last season and a half, and would hate to lose him for any period of time for health reasons, especially in relation to being controlled like a semi-trained grizzly.

I can't be assured of anything, but what I do know is that we as Cubs fans have been treated to a couple of very amusing blow-ups, but nothing approaching the kind of demeanor that landed Lou Piniella the facetious nickname "Sweet Lou". My hope is that the Cubbie brass will not over-control the man, but rather continue with their campaign of passive aid. If it ain't broke.


NOTE: This article is in no way a serious examination of the practices mentioned. While we all acknowledge that a regimen of sedatives delivered via blow darts is highly improbable, it remains possible.

Mr. Sabathia pitches for Brats and Beer

It’s been six weeks leading up to this column. It’s been quite a nice respite, because the kid has been working hard and enjoying the summer. I flew back for the Cubs sweep over the White Sox at Wrigley. Dirty and I witnessed a nine-run inning almost exactly a year to the day after we witnessed “The Aramis Game” so that's some good mojo there. I moved into my new place and got a new set of golf clubs. I’m going to be a groomsman in my boy Kanedawg’s wedding next month. The Bulls picked Derrick Rose and I couldn’t be happier about that fact. I’ve been gone from these pages for a while because my life has been a good, healthy, honest busy. But tonight, I really felt compelled to write about something... so now, I fear the worst…

It’s basically official that C.C. Sabathia will be a Brewer for the rest of the season. The Brewers, in the past 6 weeks have gone from 4 games under .500 (and 6 games back) to 10 games over .500 (and 3.5 games back). Over that same span, the Cubs have gone 24-15 and LOST 2.5 GAMES in the NL Central.

Alright, I know the Cardinals are still in the mix, but excuse me for not taking them seriously. The odds of Kyle Lohse, Braden Looper, Todd Wellemeyer, Adam Wainwright and Joel Pineiro keeping this type of production going during a stressful September is remarkably low. Here are their K/9 rates so far and tell me I’m wrong: 4.49, 4.15, 6.68, 6.09, 4.76. Those numbers are telling me that a ton of things are going right for them in the field. We’ll see though.

The Brewers, however, terrify me. They have basically exclaimed that they are making a charge for this year. Matt LaPorta was their right fielder for the future and they shipped him off for 12 weeks from the 2007 AL Cy Young winner. The Sheets/Sabathia combination is frightening down the stretch, but even more frightening for Benny should be the prospect of both of them being free agents at the end of the year. Outside of the Rays, nobody has a deeper farm system and I could see them going for broke and picking up another solid middle reliever before the deadline. Basically, with this move, they are telling the rest of the NL Central, "It's on. Act accordingly."

The Cubbies have gone 6-8 in Big Z’s absence but now he’s back and winning baseball games. Soriano should be getting back shortly after the All-Star break and the wheels continue to turn. I’m anticipating another furious finish similar to last year where the victor won’t be decided until the final weekend of the season. However, unlike last year, I feel like second place in the NL Central will be good enough to play into October. I'm trying to wrap my head around this pennant chase during the Olympics and NFL tune-ups and quite honestly, I'm already losing sleep.

Mahalo. It's good to be back.