Piling on Alexi Lalas (only half-heartedly)

Doesn't this look like a guy you can trust? If he told me that Jesus was magic and could turn our farts into cinnamon and daisies I might even be inclined to believe him. Under the proper circumstances. Unfortunately, those circumstances also involve a fistful of nutmeg and 'shrooms, a residual weed high from 8 hours earlier (read: 3 a.m.), and a duck wandering aimlessly across my ceiling with his friend, Pico, the garrulous and unruly jumping bean. Pico is responsible for the overturned chairs, the broken window, and for the detritus that remains of 50 chicken wings, rasinettes, and the Wendy's dollar menu. The ENTIRE dollar menu. Pico fucking rules.

I know that since Mr. Lalas made comments to various British newspapers stating that MLS soccer players (I know, they're footballers, but old habits die hard and fuck it I can't hide my Americaness) are of the same quality as their counterparts in the EPL, the American media and sports blogosphere have unmercilessly begun to throw their collective feces at a man who could possibly say such things. If the man truly believes what he says, then sure, he doesn't exist on the same plane of existence as most of us.

I know that Lalas went Bricktop in this same session and essentially said "I really mean it this time,"however, I can't think that he does. I feel that his ballsy stance is more of a "fuck you" to the rest of the world for hating on the MLS rather than a statement of an opionion that has any basis in reality. Shit, if I were in the same position, I might even say the same things. At the end of the day, we know who he works for.

I feel hardly qualified to comment on the nuances of soccer given that I didn't grow up watching it like I did football, baseball, basketball, and hockey. Over the past couple of years though, I have become charmed by the game, particularly the international play and the EPL. In my newfound interest in soccer I have also flipped the channel to the MLS a time or two. I would've been better off watching "My Life on the D-List" (as an aside, I know that the premise of the show is that Kathy Griffin is detestable, but she really is...not even watchable-detestable). You can't compare the quality of play in the EPL to MLS. You just can't. I'm concerned that if I immediately began watching an MLS after an EPL match, I would want to claw out my eyes and hold myself in a corner, gently sobbing.

Lalas is attempting to gain some publicity for his league and he's nauseated that the rest of the soccer-playing world (and many sports-loving Americans, too) continues to treat America as a third-world soccer country. Even though it would be a bigger nightmare than the ACC-Big 10 Challenge, I would love to see an organized exhibition of MLS teams playing against EPL teams. I'll bring the food and the drugs.