"I get the news I need on the weather report, I can gather all the news I need on the weather report."

My abhorrence of the media is now hopelessly apparent.

Deal with it.

The (cropped) running diary from Ginger’s:

8:28 a.m. C.S.T. – The Lady and I grab a booth, kitty corner from our big buddy with the Carlsberg tee (which was obviously going to be a dress on my Lilliputian frame, had I chosen to keep it). From what I can gather his name is pronounced Ya-kee(L ?). He chows on some taters like they’ve done his family wrong and deserve aggressive mastication. He is here, yet again, with the rest of the regulars (a group with which Lady and I are quickly becoming entwined, thanks to the friendly/heavy accent laden questions batted ‘round by our bar matrons), and we are all bundles of nervous anxiety. All that I can say for certain, at this moment, is that I hope the second half of this season has loads of FSC broadcasts at the homestead… for the sake of the indissoluble experience of anxiety, cigarettes, and footy.

9:01 a.m. – Kick-off – Boro get it started.

3 mins. – Nice formation today with John Arne Riise roaming on the left of midfield. Hopefully he can regain some consistent form and bag a few trademark screamers in the second half of this campaign. Good spell from Liverpool, Boro get a corner against the run of play. Over for a goal kick.

8 mins. – Pepe with a couple of “I wanna be a sweeper” moments. Bad/daisy-trimmer clearance.

11 mins. – Corner to the Reds after some midfield exchanges. Short corner, Steve Gerrard, Gerrard moves from left to right at the 18 yard box and uncorks a scalding shot, save by Mark Schwarzer (why is it he always has his best games against the ‘pool?). Another corner to the Reds, Big Sami heads over. Nada.

14 mins. – Mascherano takes one square on the dome from 9.5 yards: he’s dazed, gets some treatment, and may need a blow to regain some semblance of cognizance.

19 mins. – Damn fine save from Pepe after a floated header – flag is up for offside. The appearance of the save, and the fact that he continues to make clearances outside his box lead me to believe he’s spending too much time watching clips of everyone’s favorite Zimbabwean Bruce Grobbelaar.

20 mins. – Tenuous right now, Boro starting to come to life in the attacking sense.

23 mins. – Torres gets his boots in the act - finally. Boro have marked his runs well thus far, staving off any breaks and relegating him to build-up play and headers.

26 mins. – Goal. George Boateng of Boro gets a sliding shot from six yards into an open net. Pepe misjudged the play, attacked an aerial ball at the byline (which he had no chance of corralling), while Tuncay played the header back to the six yard box for an easy captain’s goal.

30 mins. – Robert Huth chips at Fernando’s calves as if doing so will release some German chocolate for him.

33 mins. – Boro look content to sit deep and absorb pressure. The midfield is getting closed down quickly; consequently, there is little crispness to the passing moves.

36 mins. – Yossi Benayoun gets a volley on after a nice spell of pressure. Schwarzer saves, offside flag is up – buggeration.

43 mins. – More dodgy defending from Liverpool. Far offside from Boro.

HALFTIME

Substitution at the beginning of the second half. Arbeloa makes way for Babel, J.A.R. moves to the more familiar left back position.

47 mins. – Javier Mascherano with a great ball, then, after a mistake by Riise, makes a tremendous tackle to spoil a Boro counter. Riise’s bad form shows little chance of abating at this moment.

54 mins. – Boro continue to exploit the right side of the Reds defense with great success – is Yossi playing too close to the front? Indubitably.

57 mins. – Babel works hard and earns a corner, then unleashes a scorcher just past Schwarzer’s left-hand post.

66 mins. – Downing rips a shot from about 17 yards and Pepe gets a finger on the ball, sending it careening off of the keeper’s best friend (his left-hand post). Dodged a bullet there, literally (maybe not quite literally).

71 mins. – GOAL!!! Torres with a screamer sending the pub into exultation. I tell Lady its official now, I am gay for Fernando Torres. She seems relieved by this statement. But why?

76 mins. – Nice spell to keep the pressure on the compact Middlesbrough defense. Great low shot from Babel – so close yet again.

87 mins. – Steve Gerrard, Gerrard from about 35 yards, pushed over the crossbar from Schwarzer.

90 mins. – Hyypia heads down to the keepers right, fine save to keep it level. Damn you Mark Schwarzer.

90 + mins. – Steve Gerrard, Gerrard tries to place one across the face of goal to the left side of Schwarzer, just not to be.

FULL TIME – goddamn it. ANOTHER GOD FORSAKEN DRAW. At least the Redmen scored at the Riverside for the first time in five years. At the very least.

As for the rest of the weekends fixtures, some promising turns of events and some horrifying statements to make.

Arsenal v. Birmingham City – 1:1

A great result as Liverpool simply could not afford to drop further back in the standings. It’s a blow for the Gunners after a bright start through an Adebayor penalty. They had not dropped points after an Adebayor goal yet this season. Thank heavens this was not the case today. It was a very lively match, and elucidates the reason the EPL is so much fun to watch, as any team can beat another on their day.

Aston Villa v. Reading – 3:1

Villa continue to impress under American ownership and the seemingly brilliant coaching of Martin O’Neill. A brace from John Carew, and yet another goal from a corner for the Big Dane, Martin Laursen, secured three more points for a Villa squad pushing for European qualification. They have scored more goals from set pieces than any other Premiership side. The bad news for me is that this result pulls them level on points with Liverpool.

Chelsea v. Tottenham Hotspur – 2:0

Chelsea continue their form under new manager Avram Grant, and maintain pressure on the top two. Another victory leaves them just four points clear of the top spot. Juliano Beletti uncorked a blazing shot from 30 yards, and Shaun Wright Phillips continued his sizzling form with a late sealer to prolong the Blues’ impressive 75^th straight unbeaten match at Stamford Bridge. However, newly signed (for a whopping 15 mil. pounds) Nicolas Anelka could not find the back of the net; the deep pockets of Roman Abramovich will continue to add depth to an already loaded squad (beset by injuries to some key players, mind, but still getting results). This is becoming a three horse race at the top, with Liverpool falling deeper into the mire. Looks like its suicide again for me.

Derby County v. Wigan Athletic – 0:1

Honestly, who cares other than the home support (and even then “care” is a relative term). The relegation battle for these sides will continue through to the end of the season, with Derby’s ticket down to the Championship all but stamped.

Everton v. Manchester City – 1:0

The blue portion of Merseyside had a good day, thanks to Joleon Lescott’s first half strike. The victory draws them level on points with Liverpool. Things are crowded for that fourth spot and Champions League qualification, as the teams from fourth to seventh are all level on points and separated only by goal differential. The dropped points by Man. City keep them on the same number and send them into that seventh spot. God help us all if Everton manage to keep the pressure on Liverpool through April and into May. Anytime I see some blue, I may get stabby.

Middlesbrough v. Liverpool – 1:1

DAMN IT! Liverpool are being traduced as a team that may not even qualify for the Champions League. This is a disgusting thought, and one based solely on many pundits’ desire to see the Reds flailing. They still have a game in hand on any team above or below them in the standings (minus, of course, their opponent for said game, West Ham, who find themselves moderately adrift), so the table is a bit misleading, as are some comments from either illiterate or just plain daft muppets (mainly the Super Sunday Plus crew, comprised of Andy Houlihan, Christian Miles (I often wonder aloud, whose hand is up his pooper manipulating that gob?), and the bitter ex-QPR man, Gary Richards. I envisage their broadcast associate, and staunch Liverpool supporter Keith Costigan, leaving a fresh, steamy pile on their keyboards or lending some of his special brand of Irish “seasoning” to their tea for their blatant defamation of the beloved Reds). For Boro, the result continues a strong run against the best competition and raises questions about the lack of results against the lower half of the league (wherein they find themselves).

West Ham United v. Fulham – 2:1

Dean Ashton and Anton Ferdinand secured three points for the Hammers and pushed Fulham further into the relegation fight. It started brightly enough for the Cottagers of Fulham, but constant pressure from United forced goalkeeper Anti Niemi to earn his pay. It probably should have been more one-sided, in favor of West Ham, if not for the heroic, and often acrobatic, keeping from the Finn. Ashton alone peppered the visitor’s goal as if taking target practice and could nearly have had a brace, if not more, for his efforts. Both of these squads, like so many others, find themselves wearing the Sock and Buskin at stages of each match they play.

Sunderland v. Portsmouth – 2:0

Roy Keane’s Sunderland team took three much needed points off a Pompey side embattled by reports of coach Harry Redknapp (henceforth known simply as Droopy dog) being linked with a vacancy at the helm of Newcastle United, and heavily weakened by the African Cup of Nations. Sunderland got both goals from former Manchester United man Kieran Richardson, one off a poor pass from the Pompey midfield, the other when Sol Campbell left a ball for the byline, only to have it kept in play by Sunderland’s Kemwyne Jones. He skittered a pass back to Richardson, who could not miss. Pompey must get back into the form that had them contending for that coveted European berth. Otherwise, Benny C may have to traipse across the pond and put some fight in the side via his own moxie and fists. Huh. That doesn’t seem like such a bad idea.

Bolton Wanderers v. Blackburn Rovers – 1:2

The Lancashire derby is rarely a dull one, as two very physical sides beat the ever-lovin’ sh*t out of each other in an attempt to assert defensive dominance on their local rivals. This was certainly an enjoyable match, with Kevin Nolan striking first on a gorgeous wonder-volley across the face of goal. Christopher Samba drew the sides level from a corner with a good header and Jason Roberts stole the match in the dying moments for a Rovers side desperate to stop the slide down the table. Roberts’s run was strong and purposeful, and his finish was as cool as they come (though it did take a slight deflection). Wanderers need to up their game if they intend on staying in the top flight, especially after Nicolas Anelka made the big money move to Chelsea, and with El-Hadji Diouf and Abdoulaye Meite away at the African Cup of Nations. They must string some wins together to get out of the logjam near the relegation zone.

Manchester United v. Newcastle United – 6:0 (Pfffftttt!!!)

Newcastle’s sub-standard performances have cost Sam Allardyce his seat at the helm of the Toon. For the first half, Newcastle looked a decent side, absorbing the constant pressure from the Red Devils and escaping some close calls, thanks in large part to their keeper and some rather fortunate non-calls by referee Rob Styles (not so much for the fact that they should have been called, but rather because it was Manchester United, who often get the rub of the green from the officials). Towards the end of a scoreless first half, the Red Devils should have gone down 1-0, as Michael Owen broke clear behind the defense, only to be flagged for a non-existent offside. The replay was clear as day, and the Devils got lucky on that occasion. After that bit of fortune, the second half came and went with six goals for Manchester United: a hat trick for Cristiano Ronaldo (his first in English football), a brace from Carlos Tevez, and a fine volley from Rio Ferdinand right inside the post. The Geordies never stood a chance after the second half began. The victory placed Manchester United atop the standings on goal differential, but level on points with Arsenal. It was a display that showed their intent to snag the Premier League title for the second season in a row, and reminded me of the gap in quality (at the moment) between the top and Liverpool.

I feel filthy.

I need a shower.