I Shouldn't Gloat...but I will

In England this past weekend, the quarterfinal matches of the F.A. Cup were played out on multiple and diverse pitches. For those of us who watched our clubs plummet out of the competition, there seemed little of interest in the fixture list which pitted a couple of championship sides against a pair of remaining Premier League squads, a lower league knockdown-drag out-back-alley style brawl, and an enticing Prem. v. Prem. game which most certainly had our own benny c fluctuating in waves of excitement and dread (that is, if his mild depression of late over the loss of a certain number 4 of the green and gold persuasion had finally abated enough for him to resume normal activity/inactivity). This last match certainly had my attention, as it pitted the bitter rivals of my beloved LFC, Manchester United, against the titans of the south coast, Portsmouth. I had everything going for me in this one, a vested interest on behalf of a buddy and a seething antipathy for their overly-glorified opposition, and at Old Trafford no less. Needless to say, but my affections were overwhelmingly in favor of Pompey, those wacky port-towners.

The game itself was a great watch, despite what so many ignorant footy-haters say about 1-0 matches that are decided late on. There were goal line clearances, superb shots followed by stunning saves, committed defensive displays (which was a bit surprising given some rather lackluster displays by the Portsmouth back line in the League), and plenty of talking points regarding refereeing decisions. In the end, Pompey snuck away victorious and based solely on the match action, the result matched the play on the pitch. This may seem overstated, as United controlled the vast majority of the game, but Pompey’s timely and steadfast defending deserved, at the very least, a clean sheet. Based on the last ditch efforts and the manner in which the Portsmouth defense continued to block shots and attacking moves, they deserved no less than a replay and instead got the bit of good fortune they needed to dispatch the Red Devils on their home pitch for the first time since 1957. The defending was such that no Man of the Match could be singled out from the back line. Instead, the match ball should be shared by Glen Johnson, Sylvain Distin, Sol Campbell, Hermann Hreidarsson, Lassana Diarra, and my favorite name to say, Papa Bouba Diop. Of course, Sulley Muntari does deserve a great bit of credit for finishing a result well earned with yet another powerful, yet coolly taken penalty. Said penalty was earned after former Red, Milan Baros, broke in on goal, only to be felled by United’s back-up keeper Tomasz Kuszczak. While I can agree that this could easily have not been called, United have always seemed to benefit from questionable decisions. For this LFC supporter, the irony and the resulting Alex Ferguson tirade/tantrum, were just too delicious for words. Congratulations to Pompey. The road to the final has been thinned.

This thinning of the top tier of the field was done by Robbie Fowler’s (known simply as God by all Liverpool supporters) new club Cardiff City, who dispatched Middlesbrough fairly competently with two splendid goals; one after some deft maneuvering and a stupendous finish by Peter Whittingham and the other from a dead ball crossed by Whittingham and headed home by Roger Johnson. And these two goals within 25 minutes after kick-off held up, as the Bluebirds sent Boro home nursing a 2-0 defeat. The others of the two Premiership sides to fall at the hands of Championship opposition were the mighty billionaires of Chelsea F.C. They, like the Reds, tumbled out of the competition at the hands of Barnsley (who shall now be known as David, slayer of GoliathS). It was a tough match on an unfavorable pitch at the home of Barnsley, Oakwell Stadium, but there were ample opportunities for the Blues to dispatch the plucky Championship outfit. Just like United however, a wealth of chances resulted in a dearth of goals and now Chelsea find themselves relegated to watching the Cup Final on the tele with the rest of the “Big Four”.

And now I must restate: THIS IS WHY THE F.A. CUP IS THE BEST DOMESTIC CUP COMPETITION IN THE WORLD.

What a great weekend.

"I get the news I need on the weather report, I can gather all the news I need on the weather report."

My abhorrence of the media is now hopelessly apparent.

Deal with it.

The (cropped) running diary from Ginger’s:

8:28 a.m. C.S.T. – The Lady and I grab a booth, kitty corner from our big buddy with the Carlsberg tee (which was obviously going to be a dress on my Lilliputian frame, had I chosen to keep it). From what I can gather his name is pronounced Ya-kee(L ?). He chows on some taters like they’ve done his family wrong and deserve aggressive mastication. He is here, yet again, with the rest of the regulars (a group with which Lady and I are quickly becoming entwined, thanks to the friendly/heavy accent laden questions batted ‘round by our bar matrons), and we are all bundles of nervous anxiety. All that I can say for certain, at this moment, is that I hope the second half of this season has loads of FSC broadcasts at the homestead… for the sake of the indissoluble experience of anxiety, cigarettes, and footy.

9:01 a.m. – Kick-off – Boro get it started.

3 mins. – Nice formation today with John Arne Riise roaming on the left of midfield. Hopefully he can regain some consistent form and bag a few trademark screamers in the second half of this campaign. Good spell from Liverpool, Boro get a corner against the run of play. Over for a goal kick.

8 mins. – Pepe with a couple of “I wanna be a sweeper” moments. Bad/daisy-trimmer clearance.

11 mins. – Corner to the Reds after some midfield exchanges. Short corner, Steve Gerrard, Gerrard moves from left to right at the 18 yard box and uncorks a scalding shot, save by Mark Schwarzer (why is it he always has his best games against the ‘pool?). Another corner to the Reds, Big Sami heads over. Nada.

14 mins. – Mascherano takes one square on the dome from 9.5 yards: he’s dazed, gets some treatment, and may need a blow to regain some semblance of cognizance.

19 mins. – Damn fine save from Pepe after a floated header – flag is up for offside. The appearance of the save, and the fact that he continues to make clearances outside his box lead me to believe he’s spending too much time watching clips of everyone’s favorite Zimbabwean Bruce Grobbelaar.

20 mins. – Tenuous right now, Boro starting to come to life in the attacking sense.

23 mins. – Torres gets his boots in the act - finally. Boro have marked his runs well thus far, staving off any breaks and relegating him to build-up play and headers.

26 mins. – Goal. George Boateng of Boro gets a sliding shot from six yards into an open net. Pepe misjudged the play, attacked an aerial ball at the byline (which he had no chance of corralling), while Tuncay played the header back to the six yard box for an easy captain’s goal.

30 mins. – Robert Huth chips at Fernando’s calves as if doing so will release some German chocolate for him.

33 mins. – Boro look content to sit deep and absorb pressure. The midfield is getting closed down quickly; consequently, there is little crispness to the passing moves.

36 mins. – Yossi Benayoun gets a volley on after a nice spell of pressure. Schwarzer saves, offside flag is up – buggeration.

43 mins. – More dodgy defending from Liverpool. Far offside from Boro.

HALFTIME

Substitution at the beginning of the second half. Arbeloa makes way for Babel, J.A.R. moves to the more familiar left back position.

47 mins. – Javier Mascherano with a great ball, then, after a mistake by Riise, makes a tremendous tackle to spoil a Boro counter. Riise’s bad form shows little chance of abating at this moment.

54 mins. – Boro continue to exploit the right side of the Reds defense with great success – is Yossi playing too close to the front? Indubitably.

57 mins. – Babel works hard and earns a corner, then unleashes a scorcher just past Schwarzer’s left-hand post.

66 mins. – Downing rips a shot from about 17 yards and Pepe gets a finger on the ball, sending it careening off of the keeper’s best friend (his left-hand post). Dodged a bullet there, literally (maybe not quite literally).

71 mins. – GOAL!!! Torres with a screamer sending the pub into exultation. I tell Lady its official now, I am gay for Fernando Torres. She seems relieved by this statement. But why?

76 mins. – Nice spell to keep the pressure on the compact Middlesbrough defense. Great low shot from Babel – so close yet again.

87 mins. – Steve Gerrard, Gerrard from about 35 yards, pushed over the crossbar from Schwarzer.

90 mins. – Hyypia heads down to the keepers right, fine save to keep it level. Damn you Mark Schwarzer.

90 + mins. – Steve Gerrard, Gerrard tries to place one across the face of goal to the left side of Schwarzer, just not to be.

FULL TIME – goddamn it. ANOTHER GOD FORSAKEN DRAW. At least the Redmen scored at the Riverside for the first time in five years. At the very least.

As for the rest of the weekends fixtures, some promising turns of events and some horrifying statements to make.

Arsenal v. Birmingham City – 1:1

A great result as Liverpool simply could not afford to drop further back in the standings. It’s a blow for the Gunners after a bright start through an Adebayor penalty. They had not dropped points after an Adebayor goal yet this season. Thank heavens this was not the case today. It was a very lively match, and elucidates the reason the EPL is so much fun to watch, as any team can beat another on their day.

Aston Villa v. Reading – 3:1

Villa continue to impress under American ownership and the seemingly brilliant coaching of Martin O’Neill. A brace from John Carew, and yet another goal from a corner for the Big Dane, Martin Laursen, secured three more points for a Villa squad pushing for European qualification. They have scored more goals from set pieces than any other Premiership side. The bad news for me is that this result pulls them level on points with Liverpool.

Chelsea v. Tottenham Hotspur – 2:0

Chelsea continue their form under new manager Avram Grant, and maintain pressure on the top two. Another victory leaves them just four points clear of the top spot. Juliano Beletti uncorked a blazing shot from 30 yards, and Shaun Wright Phillips continued his sizzling form with a late sealer to prolong the Blues’ impressive 75^th straight unbeaten match at Stamford Bridge. However, newly signed (for a whopping 15 mil. pounds) Nicolas Anelka could not find the back of the net; the deep pockets of Roman Abramovich will continue to add depth to an already loaded squad (beset by injuries to some key players, mind, but still getting results). This is becoming a three horse race at the top, with Liverpool falling deeper into the mire. Looks like its suicide again for me.

Derby County v. Wigan Athletic – 0:1

Honestly, who cares other than the home support (and even then “care” is a relative term). The relegation battle for these sides will continue through to the end of the season, with Derby’s ticket down to the Championship all but stamped.

Everton v. Manchester City – 1:0

The blue portion of Merseyside had a good day, thanks to Joleon Lescott’s first half strike. The victory draws them level on points with Liverpool. Things are crowded for that fourth spot and Champions League qualification, as the teams from fourth to seventh are all level on points and separated only by goal differential. The dropped points by Man. City keep them on the same number and send them into that seventh spot. God help us all if Everton manage to keep the pressure on Liverpool through April and into May. Anytime I see some blue, I may get stabby.

Middlesbrough v. Liverpool – 1:1

DAMN IT! Liverpool are being traduced as a team that may not even qualify for the Champions League. This is a disgusting thought, and one based solely on many pundits’ desire to see the Reds flailing. They still have a game in hand on any team above or below them in the standings (minus, of course, their opponent for said game, West Ham, who find themselves moderately adrift), so the table is a bit misleading, as are some comments from either illiterate or just plain daft muppets (mainly the Super Sunday Plus crew, comprised of Andy Houlihan, Christian Miles (I often wonder aloud, whose hand is up his pooper manipulating that gob?), and the bitter ex-QPR man, Gary Richards. I envisage their broadcast associate, and staunch Liverpool supporter Keith Costigan, leaving a fresh, steamy pile on their keyboards or lending some of his special brand of Irish “seasoning” to their tea for their blatant defamation of the beloved Reds). For Boro, the result continues a strong run against the best competition and raises questions about the lack of results against the lower half of the league (wherein they find themselves).

West Ham United v. Fulham – 2:1

Dean Ashton and Anton Ferdinand secured three points for the Hammers and pushed Fulham further into the relegation fight. It started brightly enough for the Cottagers of Fulham, but constant pressure from United forced goalkeeper Anti Niemi to earn his pay. It probably should have been more one-sided, in favor of West Ham, if not for the heroic, and often acrobatic, keeping from the Finn. Ashton alone peppered the visitor’s goal as if taking target practice and could nearly have had a brace, if not more, for his efforts. Both of these squads, like so many others, find themselves wearing the Sock and Buskin at stages of each match they play.

Sunderland v. Portsmouth – 2:0

Roy Keane’s Sunderland team took three much needed points off a Pompey side embattled by reports of coach Harry Redknapp (henceforth known simply as Droopy dog) being linked with a vacancy at the helm of Newcastle United, and heavily weakened by the African Cup of Nations. Sunderland got both goals from former Manchester United man Kieran Richardson, one off a poor pass from the Pompey midfield, the other when Sol Campbell left a ball for the byline, only to have it kept in play by Sunderland’s Kemwyne Jones. He skittered a pass back to Richardson, who could not miss. Pompey must get back into the form that had them contending for that coveted European berth. Otherwise, Benny C may have to traipse across the pond and put some fight in the side via his own moxie and fists. Huh. That doesn’t seem like such a bad idea.

Bolton Wanderers v. Blackburn Rovers – 1:2

The Lancashire derby is rarely a dull one, as two very physical sides beat the ever-lovin’ sh*t out of each other in an attempt to assert defensive dominance on their local rivals. This was certainly an enjoyable match, with Kevin Nolan striking first on a gorgeous wonder-volley across the face of goal. Christopher Samba drew the sides level from a corner with a good header and Jason Roberts stole the match in the dying moments for a Rovers side desperate to stop the slide down the table. Roberts’s run was strong and purposeful, and his finish was as cool as they come (though it did take a slight deflection). Wanderers need to up their game if they intend on staying in the top flight, especially after Nicolas Anelka made the big money move to Chelsea, and with El-Hadji Diouf and Abdoulaye Meite away at the African Cup of Nations. They must string some wins together to get out of the logjam near the relegation zone.

Manchester United v. Newcastle United – 6:0 (Pfffftttt!!!)

Newcastle’s sub-standard performances have cost Sam Allardyce his seat at the helm of the Toon. For the first half, Newcastle looked a decent side, absorbing the constant pressure from the Red Devils and escaping some close calls, thanks in large part to their keeper and some rather fortunate non-calls by referee Rob Styles (not so much for the fact that they should have been called, but rather because it was Manchester United, who often get the rub of the green from the officials). Towards the end of a scoreless first half, the Red Devils should have gone down 1-0, as Michael Owen broke clear behind the defense, only to be flagged for a non-existent offside. The replay was clear as day, and the Devils got lucky on that occasion. After that bit of fortune, the second half came and went with six goals for Manchester United: a hat trick for Cristiano Ronaldo (his first in English football), a brace from Carlos Tevez, and a fine volley from Rio Ferdinand right inside the post. The Geordies never stood a chance after the second half began. The victory placed Manchester United atop the standings on goal differential, but level on points with Arsenal. It was a display that showed their intent to snag the Premier League title for the second season in a row, and reminded me of the gap in quality (at the moment) between the top and Liverpool.

I feel filthy.

I need a shower.

The Reds: Walking On

As I've stated before in these lines, my affinity for English football (soccer, for the sake of clarity) far outweighs my knowledge of it. But seeing as Liverpool and Portsmouth are squaring off at Fratton Park tomorrow, it only seems appropriate that Benny and I give our early season thoughts. Now, we're only five games into the EPL season, so it's a little premature to begin any major prognosticating. For a comparison, it's much like trying to predict MLB playoff teams after only 20 games (*Brewers*cough*cough*). This being said, the Liverpudlians have surged out to a fantastic start and though they have only played four matches, they sit atop the Premiership with 10 points and a gaudy +9 goal differential. What makes this all the more impressive is that they've seceded definitively in the past couple of contests without captain Steven Gerrard and starter Jamie Carragher who are both out with injuries.

How have they done it? Well, the cupboard was fairly well stocked to begin with coming off a 3rd place EPL finish last year. Dirk Kuyt, Xabi Alonso, Carragher, John Arne Riise, Jermaine Pennant, Peter Crouch, Jose Reina and Sami Hyypia are just some of the returning players of a team that came within one game of being the best in Europe last year. Add to the mix some extremely capable newcomers including Fernando Torres, Ryan Babel and Andriy Voronin who have done nothing but sound the bell whenever their numbers were called early this season. Throw in All-World midfielder and native son Steven Gerrard (who looks to return in the near future) and you've got quite an eleven. All things being equal, this is a club that is destined for a top three finish in my humble opinion.

Chelsea and Manchester United have been the "1" and "1a" of the English Premier League landscape for the last handful of years. Liverpool, Arsenal, Tottenham, Bolton, Everton and Newcastle usually fill out the top eight. It seems somewhat static at the top of the table mainly because the inequity of team payrolls, which mirrors the Yankees and Red Sox story. However, baseball is a vastly different game that is much more susceptible odd bounces, slumps and cosmic forces. I believe the NBA would be overrun with dynasties like Man U and Chelsea if there was no salary cap because basketball and soccer are much closer as far as talent conquering all. If an owner buys a starting five of All-Stars for his NBA team, you can pretty much ink their travel plans to the finals every year. Same with soccer.

The only monkey wrench I can throw into this seemingly predetermined structure is that Liverpool beat Chelsea last spring in the UEFA Cup Semifinals and then again came one horrendous call away from beating them last month at Anfield. Do these things matter? I have no idea, but I love underdogs stories. The more they beat the favorite (albeit at home), the more those labels lose their meaning. I'm hoping that this realization finally arrives this year. I hate the Yankees, but respect the talent - same with Man U and Chelsea. The real point of distinction is that I no longer fear them, they don't appear to be the prohibitive favorites that they've been in the past. Once again, I could be completely wrong here. Way too soon to tell.

That leads me to tomorrow's Liverpool @ Portsmouth match. Last year, Pompey played to a nil-nil draw on the road and beat Liverpool 2-1 at home. This year, they are perched in the middle of the table after a brutal first month where they played the likes of Man U, Chelsea and Arsenal. Although Liverpool remains the favorite, Pompey isn't exactly the team you want to sleep on. Considering the fact that I'm still wading into this league and I'm without the requisite knowledge to do a Ron Jaworski type breakdown, I'm going to conservatively predict a 2-1 Liverpool victory capped by a 80th minute Torres goal. If you want my stone cold lock of the weekend however, it's Bears 31, Chiefs 14 (take the Bears giving the points and the over, like splitting Aces). That's all I got.

I'm hoping Kurt and the Preacher start sparing on the comment board after this one. Need some good Red v. Blue chatter...

the big rabbit gets fucked...

..is the bet this weekend as the reds of liverpool storm fratton park at the top of the premiership table. in the first half of the season, i doubt pompey will face a match with such dramatic implications.

a fixture that has already served matches against manchester and recent away losses to chelsea and arsenal becomes even more difficult this weekend. the week off should serve portsmouth well as the arsenal was riven with sloppy defense and a short-footed line-up. the result thus far, while not surprising, are not entirely encouraging either. as it stands, pompey sit just below the middle of the table and have shown a little bit of everything. regardless, a more consistently solid performance over the course of the season will be required in order to qualify to the european championship next year, especially with strong starts from manchester city, everton, and blackburn.

a win against liverpool is a catalyst for a carling cup run and confidence against the next (somewhat softer) leg of the schedule. a draw allows the pack to separate itself from pompey and a loss is a potentially demoralizing way to open the first month (1-3-2). the talent of the squad should warrant a better standing, even given the degree of difficulty in their match-ups thus far.

the blackguards are at the gate and the team must view this battle as a struggle where survival is the prize of the day and scalps and teeth are the trophies. for me, the humble reward of laying a twenty-spot on 4:1 odds is sufficient to make for a promising saturday.

the proverbial man and the hour will meet in less than a day to the sound of chimes and a horrid cacophony of steel, wood, and women screaming that should not be mistaken for the result of regurgitated irish breakfast and bloody marys. it will be redknapp's henchmen making sherman's neckties out of the rails that have, thus far, carried the irresistible force that is the reds to an unbeaten record (i know, so vivid).


make tracks, pompey. or i'm out a periwinkle blue caravan.

pompey - 2, reds - nil.

Piling on Alexi Lalas (only half-heartedly)

Doesn't this look like a guy you can trust? If he told me that Jesus was magic and could turn our farts into cinnamon and daisies I might even be inclined to believe him. Under the proper circumstances. Unfortunately, those circumstances also involve a fistful of nutmeg and 'shrooms, a residual weed high from 8 hours earlier (read: 3 a.m.), and a duck wandering aimlessly across my ceiling with his friend, Pico, the garrulous and unruly jumping bean. Pico is responsible for the overturned chairs, the broken window, and for the detritus that remains of 50 chicken wings, rasinettes, and the Wendy's dollar menu. The ENTIRE dollar menu. Pico fucking rules.

I know that since Mr. Lalas made comments to various British newspapers stating that MLS soccer players (I know, they're footballers, but old habits die hard and fuck it I can't hide my Americaness) are of the same quality as their counterparts in the EPL, the American media and sports blogosphere have unmercilessly begun to throw their collective feces at a man who could possibly say such things. If the man truly believes what he says, then sure, he doesn't exist on the same plane of existence as most of us.

I know that Lalas went Bricktop in this same session and essentially said "I really mean it this time,"however, I can't think that he does. I feel that his ballsy stance is more of a "fuck you" to the rest of the world for hating on the MLS rather than a statement of an opionion that has any basis in reality. Shit, if I were in the same position, I might even say the same things. At the end of the day, we know who he works for.

I feel hardly qualified to comment on the nuances of soccer given that I didn't grow up watching it like I did football, baseball, basketball, and hockey. Over the past couple of years though, I have become charmed by the game, particularly the international play and the EPL. In my newfound interest in soccer I have also flipped the channel to the MLS a time or two. I would've been better off watching "My Life on the D-List" (as an aside, I know that the premise of the show is that Kathy Griffin is detestable, but she really is...not even watchable-detestable). You can't compare the quality of play in the EPL to MLS. You just can't. I'm concerned that if I immediately began watching an MLS after an EPL match, I would want to claw out my eyes and hold myself in a corner, gently sobbing.

Lalas is attempting to gain some publicity for his league and he's nauseated that the rest of the soccer-playing world (and many sports-loving Americans, too) continues to treat America as a third-world soccer country. Even though it would be a bigger nightmare than the ACC-Big 10 Challenge, I would love to see an organized exhibition of MLS teams playing against EPL teams. I'll bring the food and the drugs.