"IN YOUR LIFE, have you seen anything like that?"

Once ESPN begins to replay Verne Lundquist's infamous call of Tiger's shot on # 16, "Redbud", my excitement level grows exponentially. Just ask Lady, who has been forced, over the last three + weeks, to endure endless hours of golf coverage simply because majors season approached. But finally, Masters week arrives. For any fan of the game, the Masters has its own place in golfing lore. Sure the Open Championship (the British Open) is the most historically significant, and is played on traditional seaside links courses (upon which the game as we know it was founded). The U.S. Open likewise presents a certain "je ne sais quoi", or indefinable characteristic (look at how many collapses and redemptions have taken place in the history of the tournament, most notably Payne Stewart). But the Masters has one thing all the other majors do not - Augusta National Golf Club. It is the only major that does not rotate the course on which it is played. Every year players make the drive down Magnolia Lane to the distinctive clubhouse, with its resplendent southern charm, preparing themselves for what is regarded by many as one of the most difficult courses in the world.

During the television coverage of "the most prestigious golf tournament in the world", so much of the course's difficulty can be undervalued. For one, Augusta National has an extremely hilly topography. The effect of this terrain is described by so many of the seasoned veterans of the Masters. They try to explain the difficulty of hitting a shot, on a sidehill-downhill hook lie (the hill slopes from high right to low left) to a green sloping in the opposite direction (meaning the ideal shot would be sweeping fade, shaping the shot left to right with the slope of the green). And the undulations throughout the course continue to challenge every player's ability to play shots that require incredible precision, ability, and understanding of all the little things that can affect the shot. Not to mention, this course is LOOONNNG and peppered with many, very large, trees.

When you add this to the famously pacy greens (on which a certain Tiggy Woo has, multiple times mind you, managed to putt from the surface into the rough or a hazard) the true scope of the difficulty of the course is apparent. A downhill putt on these surfaces requires the utmost in control over the flat-stick. Any mis-hit will undoubtedly result in a putt that races past the cup with almost unfathomable speed. It is brilliant to behold, and frightening to imagine.

All of this makes for a tremendous viewing experience, one that I await every year with childlike anticipation. As for prognosticating, anyone who's tried to guess the top ten of a major field will tell you how difficult it is, as previous rounds count for little when faced with the sternest tests of the year. Who in their right mind doesn't have Tiger as the front runner? Obviously he is the first choice for me as well. Geoff Ogilvy has rounded into superb form as of late, and his high shot shape, delicate touch in the short game, and decent length off the tees could certainly put him towards the front of the pack. The only worry is whether he will be able to keep his drives in the right places. As for other foreign players who should play well at Augusta, I would expect that Lee Westwood, Henrik Stenson, Martin Kaymer, and Tim Clark are names to keep an eye on, with Westwood and Kaymer having great years so far on the Euro Tour, Henrik Stenson utilizing ex-Nick Faldo caddy Fanny Sunesson, and Tim Clark being Tim Clark, hitting fairways and precise iron shots. For the Americans, the young Hunter Mahan could start showing up more as the weekend moves on, also some crafty vets like Steve Stricker and Justin Leonard should post a couple of good rounds. Another young American who could surprise some people will be Brandt Snedeker. Though he hasn't shown the form that earned him Rookie of the Year honors last season, I honestly believe he has a game suited to difficult tests such as Augusta.

And if none of this is right, no biggie. I'm gonna enjoy every second of my favorite tournament of the year while I bask in glorious (and much deserved, I might add) sunshine. Mahalo.














Footy Notes:
Pompey has secured their first trip to an F.A. Cup final since 1939, and will meet Cardiff City at Wembley Stadium. Good Luck to the Portsmouth side and our own benny c. Play up Pompey.

Liverpool and Arsenal play the deciding match today in their Champions League tie. The Reds have got a very important away goal, but this match looks to be every bit as nervy as the most recent two fixtures between the sides. COME ON YOU REDMEN!!!!

Summary and Preview: Sport for a teasipper

Tiger Woods played his second tournament in two weeks. Though the most recent tournament was half a world away from the site of his first PGA Tour victory of the season, the result was much the same. Tiger left with another trophy in tow. I’m as shocked as you are! Alright, laying this bit of sarcasm aside, Tiger’s latest triumph came as part of the European Tour’s Middle East swing, in the affluent country of UAE. He started well enough, shooting 65 on his first day and showing no signs of jetlag. The next two days were not as kind to Tiggy, shooting 71 and 73 in some slightly adverse conditions, his first rounds not in the sixties since he traded in his Huggies for big boy Pull-ups. I can’t seem to help myself with this sarcasm, must be the fact that I haven’t seen the sun since…..goddamnit, the fact that I can’t even remember should serve as evidence that my brain is now mush thanks to a lack of essential nutrients produced only after my cocoa brown skin soaks up sunlight like a loofah that absorbs water, yet is never saturated. Enough. Anyways, Tiger finished the tourney with a flourish, shooting a 65 and finishing his final round with a 25 ft. birdie putt. He posted the number and waited as Ernie Els, trailing by one shot after Tiger’s final hole heroics, proceeded to spray his drives all over the desert and, more crassly, crap down his pantleg like the Cubs’ pitching staff in last year’s playoffs. Woods gladly accepted this fat paycheck (along with the “undisclosed” appearance fee) and trophy and hopped his jet back stateside. My question for discussion is this: is Tiggy the best clutch performer in the history of sport? I know, MJ should be in the discussion and so too should Steven Gerrard (and maybe Josh Beckett?), but considering the way he consistently does what’s necessary to either snatch a victory or stave off a charging foe, does anyone really compare, especially when what he does is so difficult (chipping in, long birdie putts, sticking a 3 iron as if it was a pitching wedge)?

Speaking of clutch performers, J.B. Holmes birdied his final hole at the FBR Open in Scottsdale to force a playoff with former Sun Devil and local favorite, Phil Mickelson. On the first playoff hole, Holmes labeled a 359 yard drive over all of the hazards to set up a delicate 72 yard pitch and proceeded to birdie the 18^th again. It was his second birdie on that hole in 45 minutes, after not managing that score in the three previous rounds. What is most impressive, besides that drive, was that he did not play great golf throughout the round. Many players made the push to post a low number and wait for the leaders to falter. Briny Baird put together a hell of a round (and ditched the straw hat, I might add) posting the best round on a day where more than few players went pin-hunting and succeeded in getting some good Sunday rounds under their belts. But it was Holmes who was able to keep a bad round from spiraling out of control, maintaining his position in the hunt for the title right until his putt on the 72nd hole. It was a great showing and a tremendous victory for the basher from Kentucky.

On a whole new subject now, the Reds of Liverpool travel south to London to visit the fortress of the Chelsea F.C. Blues, Stamford Bridge (I know, I can’t help but boo when I hear their name either). The Bridge has proved to be an incredibly difficult ground for any opponents to snag points. As I mentioned in a previous post, Avram Grant has them playing disciplined football, with great defensive presence and awareness. Even without big names like John Terry, Frank Lampard, and Didier Drogba, the Blues are playing a very open and attacking style, while still maintaining said defensive strength. Also, the Blues have yet to lose on their home ground in 77 consecutive matches. These two teams have met on no less than 16 occasions in various competitions over the last 3 years, with the Reds getting the better of Chelsea in two very notable European Cup semi-finals. Earlier this season, Rob Styles was suspended by the governing body of the match officials, after a horrific penalty decision against Liverpool’s Steve Finnan allowed the Blues to sneak off with a grossly undeserved point. The Reds must have vengeance in their minds and fire in their belly if they expect to end the Blues’ home domination. It could only help the confidence of the Redmen if another tie goes to London in either the F.A. or European Cups further down the road (but that is getting a bit ahead). In a very big month which sees Champions League football return to the docket and more F.A. Cup and Premier League clashes to fight through, a big win Sunday would do wonders, pulling Liverpool F.C. out of the slump in form from which they have suffered since ringing in the new year. Unfortunately, the news is that Fernando Torres may not play in Sunday’s fixture after picking up a hamstring injury while on international duty. Hopefully it’s not serious. In their earlier clash, Torres shredded Tal Ben-Haim and placed a beautiful shot around Petr Cech at the Anfield Road end, marking his first goal of many during his first campaign in English football. I was hoping for an even more convincing display this go around. Please be fit for the game Fernando. PLEASE!

As for Portsmouth, a great showing against Chelsea last weekend saw them take their first points off the Londoners in the history of the club. It was a well deserved point, if not a couple points dropped, as new signing Jermain Defoe netted his first for Pompey and could nearly have had a second, but missed on all three of his late game chances. The south coasters have also benefited from the transfer signing of Lassana Diarra, who had a brilliant game against the Blues. His deft touches and powerful shot will certainly thrill the Pompey faithful. The former Chelsea and Arsenal man looks to be a tremendous signing by the men at the top and already has Droopy Dog (Harry Redknapp) glowing over the impact Diarra can make. Throw in the sensational form of Niko Kranjcar, and in spite of the absences of many members of the squad still on African Cup of Nations duty, Portsmouth look to take three points off Bolton Wanderers in their away clash at the weekend. Finally, some good news coming out of Fratton Park for Benny C. Play up Pompey, Pompey play up.

Tiggy Woo: Movement 2: Adagio

In golf, most players reach their “prime” in their thirties as patience, personal stability, and knowledge of the game and its intricacies are infinitely more familiarized to the seasoned veteran. No such wait was needed for Eldrick Woods. Instead, he has dominated the sport from the very beginning, reshaping the game itself and the courses on which he plays (well, he more destroyed the courses, with the architects choosing to revamp them accordingly, but I digress, stay with me here). As he enters what is considered to be the best years of a professional golfer’s existence, what is possible for a man breaking records at every turn?

Tiger began his PGA Tour season in style, winning the Buick Invitational at Torrey Pines for the the fourth time in a row, recording his sixth victory in the event overall. He is the only golf professional to have won at least three tournaments six times (the WGC American Express Championship (now known as the CA, because of sponsor changes) and WGC Bridgestone Inv. at Firestone as well as the Buick). With this victory, Mr. Woods tied the record for consecutive wins at a single tournament (4). But what is astounding is that he has accomplished this feat in TWO different tournaments now (the other being the Bay Hill Invitational). In recording these amazingly unique records, Tiger also drew level, in fourth place, with The King, Arnold Palmer, on the list of most career PGA Tour victories, with 62 total wins. He has obtained this status in five fewer years than any of the legends in whose great company he now resides. Along with Mr. Palmer, he now finds himself chasing the likes of Ben Hogan (64 wins), Jack Nicklaus (73 wins), and Sam Snead (82 wins). This is rarefied air to be sure, with many of these men being on their pedestal in the list for some 20+, or in Snead’s case 43+, years. But having watched him for some time now, it comes as no surprise.

There are innumerable statistics and records that allude to Tiger’s unsurpassed dominance in a sport of individual glory. I’ve merely discussed a few which relate to his most recent whomping of the field at the Buick. So, instead of using pure statistical analysis of his career to this point, I will use individual moments of brilliance from the weekend which are but snippets of what has to be regarded as the greatest all around golf game in history. To get to this position Tiger Woods has made himself the undisputed best at: reading greens/putting, shot-shaping/escape shots, and short AND long iron accuracy.

Having played the game a great deal (albeit, appallingly at times) I must admit that the most impressive facet of Tiggy’s game has got to be his putting. His speed and distance control is unparalleled and he almost never misses a putt inside of five feet. Add to this his uncanny knack of reading even the smallest breaks and undulations in the surface of the green, and Tiger’s deadly accurate touch is awe-inspiring to say the very least. Just reference the 60 ft. birdie putt he sank on Sunday, which required he play about 12-15 feet of break down a ridge, or the par save from 20 ft. he sank on Saturday to keep any challengers at bay. Even looking back, at the famous 17^th “Island Green” at the TPC Sawgrass, commentator Gary Koch had commented how no player had read the break from the back of the green, nor gotten a putt within 8 feet of cup from the position in which Tiger found himself. Koch’s now infamous “Better than most, BETTER THAN MOST” call during the putt just illustrates how someone in the know can be so astonished by the ability of this walking highlight reel.

To examine this idea further we need only look to Koch’s broadcast partner David Feherty, who is often so flabbergasted by the shots Tiger gets to come off as to remain nearly speechless (which is saying something, indeed). Over the weekend he hit a huge, sweeping draw that screamed around a tree and just short of the green, with some 40 feet of piercing curve. Most often when Tiger finds himself in the goop, he will use some sort of fiendishly difficult shot which will undoubtedly save him from having to “play it safe”. There are so many examples to draw from, my mind is too much of a flurry to actually distinguish between them; I remember a bunker shot, over water that ran just through the green, the “over-under” shot where he kept the ball under some branches immediately in front of him and then got the ball to rise over the next set of trees and landed the ball maybe 10-14 feet past the pin but still on the green, with his back against a tree, playing another sweeping draw just 8-10 feet off the ground to go under the trees and advance the ball into a solid playing position – there’s just too many to recall them all. However, this shot shaping is not just useful when stuck in the mess. He has an unbelievable ability to control trajectory, spin, and direction to play each shot as it is presented to him. Each time he approaches his ball, no matter where it is, he has the ability and the gall to get it where he can save par, or even make birdie.

This total control was never more apparent than at the Royal Liverpool Golf Club (Hoylake) in 2006. He only used his driver once during the tournament and hit all but four fairways on the week. While using a 3-wood or 2-iron off the tee left him with longer second shots, the deft trajectory control he exhibits with the long irons ensured he was always where he needed to be – on the green with shots at eagle and birdies. Some complained that this display was “boring”. Are you kidding me? You better be or I’m gonna give you a boot upside the head. I would call it clinical. The astonishing control of his game is unmatched by most, if not all, of his competitors.

Another blatantly idiotic comment is that Tiger really has no “rivals” or fellow competitors challenging him on a weekly basis. With displays such as Hoylake in ‘06 or the Buick Invitational at the weekend, this may be true. My question is this - who really cares? Though many of his victories are all but sealed by the time he tees up his first shot on Sunday, I would miss anything, I mean ANYTHING (ok, minus a gorgeous day where I can struggle and duff my way around a supposedly easy Forest Preserve layout, and even then its recorded) for the sake of witnessing Tiger’s other-worldly talent continue to pad his portfolio of brilliant shots and unique records. There is no one like Tiger Woods and there is no experience that can compare to watching him ply his diligently perfected game in person (for now anyways). Here’s to many more records being broken and more befuddled mirth from the broadcasters paid to watch the “best ever” play the most beautiful and challenging courses around.

By the way: Come on you Redmen, make yourselves proud today at Upton Park. I’m sure we both could use a nice victory against the Hammers. You’ll Never Walk Alone – not if I have anything to say about it.

"The only thing you can trust in a British newspaper is the date." "I'd even double check that, mate."

I'll get to that in a short while, but first:

The PGA tour began in traditional fashion last week, on the Hawaiian swing. In terms of a first tournament, I could not have asked for more. There was; a four hole playoff between last year's come-back manchild Steve Stricker and up-and-comer Daniel Chopra, the incredible layout of Kapalua's Plantation Course, uke strumming galore, and innumerable shots of spawning whales playing in the surf. All of this glorious-ness greeted a soul starved (if only mildly) for some PGA tour coverage and ... (Briny Baird is still alive? huh. and he continues to wear those ridiculous Byron Nelson style straw hats...damn, that was a helluva two from the fairway there, especially from a walking corpse)... palm trees. A great start to the new season.

As it is abundantly clear, I am currently catching the first round of the Sony Open at Waialae. Last season, this tournament produced a story worthy of a Disney Company film. Tadd Fujikawa, the wee man from Oahu, became the youngest player to make the cut at a tournament in 50 years. He accomplished this feat as an amateur, at the tender age of 16, and the diminutive stature of 5'1'' tall. Anyone who saw him drain that eagle putt on the 18th to secure his spot for the weekend could not help but fist pump right along with him. In the modern game, what he did was astronomically improbable. As he strides out on the course today, the delirious crowds will certainly give him the welcome he deserves after an almost clinical display on a very difficult course at this time last season (and in spite of a less than stellar first round this year). Good luck to him as he begins his first full season as a professional.


Side note: They just showed a slow-mo comparison of the swings of two of the biggest bashers on tour, J.B. Holmes and Bubba Watson. I might just willingly give a few digits, or one of the berries to smack the ball some 316 yards on average, or in this case (from Bubba) 338 (not a misprint) 338!!! mother-truckin' yards. Just a thought.

Now on to my true love (sorry Lady - I mean in sporting terms), Liverpool Football Club. After such a glowing introduction by the Whiskey Bowler, there may be some disappointment over my first contribution beginning with PGA talk. I'd like to say the previous discussion was necessary because I am so overtly excited about a new golf season. This is simply a partial truth, as my disgust over recent results has left me feeling hollow, and left my wall in need of some spackling. Another below standard performance at Anfield - against lowly Wigan Athletic - and an F.A. Cup 3rd round draw at lower division Luton Town have given the supporters some (warranted) concern. This is where the title of this piece enters the fray.
These horrifying results have given the British press enough fodder to begin another round of "sacking" talk with regards to our beloved Rafael Benitez (in Homer form on my profile), and also to essentially disregard Liverpool as title contenders come May. That last bit is a hard pill to swallow. Especially when you consider the fact that, at this point in previous seasons, the points deficit between Liverpool and the top team was considerably greater than the current state, where Liverpool find themselves 12 points back, but with a game in hand (in the '05-'06 season they were short of Chelsea's mid-season total by some 30 odd points, and similarly (hopelessly) adrift of Manchester United's point totals last season at the halfway point). This gives the supporters a sliver of hope that a long awaited League title may still be possible, though implausible (especially when the top two squads, Arsenal and Man. U. look to be in control at the moment). Inevitably, the press have used this run of form to; begin anew discussions about Rafa's strained relationship with ownership, print some bollocks from a "friend" of Rafa who says the man thinks his days are numbered, continue sandbagging a club in need of some good news this season, yadda, yadda, b.s, b.s. All I can say for sure, is that letting go of a man who has had more success in his first 3 seasons than the two managers currently atop the standings enjoyed at their clubs in comparable time, would be a disaster of Chernobyl-esque proportions (but with less death and disfigurement - there would be some, just not quite so awful). This is made even more poignant by the good news that follows.
Today, at Anfield, 23 year old defender Martin Skrtel (pronounced skur-tell (accent the last bit)) completed a deal to move from Zenit St. Petersburg to Liverpool Football Club. The defender is big, tough, and aggressive, and a welcome addition to an aging back line, weakened by the injury of the impressive Dane, Daniel Agger. This injury had left the club in desperate need to find someone to give the aging, yet still profoundly active, Sami Hyypia some much needed respite. From what I can gather, Rafa was a huge influence on making this deal, and the Slovakian defender said as much during his introductions. The club paid a record fee (for a defender) to make this move, and the question becomes, why make such a splash for the manager if he may not be around much longer? The answer should be simple. The American ownership would not spend such dough (somewheres in the realm of 6.5 mil. pounds) if indeed they were choosing to retool the management at the end of the season, because such an overhaul would require funds being spent for the new manager's aquisitions. Let's pray this blatant hopefulness on my part is in fact reality. The club needs some stability after the acquisition last year by the Americans.

Speaking of stability, Xabi Alonso has been making his way back into the side, after two metatarsal injuries earlier in the campaign. If he makes a start against Middlesbrough at the Riverside on Saturday, it would be his 100th appearance for the club. This would make him the first Spaniard in the illustrious history of LFC to reach the century mark. Considering his signing was the work of Rafa, and the young Spaniard has quickly gained status as one of the best passers in the game, yet another reason for Benitez's continued reign becomes clear.

At present, there are excessive off-the-pitch questions, some injury concerns, and permeating fear in the ranks of the supporters about the most popular manager since King Kenny. Because of all this, I hesitate to prognosticate anything. Making matters worse is the fact that the Riverside has been a house of horrors for the Redmen in recent times. I will make my way for the essential pub appearance to watch it live, entrenched beneath the enourmous LFC flag, with a developing ulcer and a nicotine fix that could drive an elephant mad (but must wait for the half, thank you very much fascist health nuts), and visualize a victory. Hopefully, Fernando Torres (with whom the Lady is competing for my affections) will make this vision reality and assuage some of my concerns, if only for the rest of the day. She could really use a good date night (much deserved, I might add, after recent illness and craptacular work hours) and some peace of mind regarding the safety of the bones in my hand. Though if he does score, it may be the final nail in my straight coffin, as i would most certainly go gay for Nando....lets hope.

Tiggy Woo handles the competition like loose change

"I've been looking for an excuse to get down to Lemont, Illinois for a couple months now, so this worked out perfectly."


The BMW Championship (a.k.a. The Western Open) was this past weekend at Cog Hill, however it was two weeks ago that my buddy Kurt called me up with news of practice round passes for the Tuesday and Wednesday leading up to tournament play. We decided that the first day would have to be for scouting purposes almost exclusively since we couldn’t get there until noon, so we'd be getting the lay of the land for the Wednesday round. I was initially impressed with intricacies of the PGA Tour presence. It's a symphony of palm pressers and custodians sprawled out on a finely manicured and well respected golf course for a week with millions at stake. However, quite soon afterward, the main attraction becomes the primary interest. The enormity of the talent surrounding each entrant is acutely palpable. Astonishing shots in triplicate and a tap in for birdie on a 600 yard hole happen frequently. To be honest, it takes a while for that to sink in.

We arrived at 12:15pm and started roaming the course immediately since most of the players had already teed off, some off the course altogether. We planned our route for the following morning with a real tenacity. This was our gameplan for the Front 9: Follow Tiger from the 1st hole to his drive on the 3rd, then do a Pincer movement to the bridge in between 4 and 5, watch his drive bounce yards from our feet, then the approach, then cross the 5th fairway and walk to the single pine tree fifty yards in front of the green-side bunker, watch the entire 5th hole from this spot, watch most of the 6th from this same spot, then watch the entire 7th hole from the very same vantage as well, walk out 8 and 9 with the gallery following behind Tiger.


We ended up leaving our scouting round on Tuesday around 3pm, seeing some famous names but mostly getting familiar with the course. Truth be told, Kurt is a virtual PGA Rolodex, naming even the most obscure golfers from 60 yards without any problem. He knew histories, was familiar with individual skill sets and amassed a vast arsenal of anecdotes. He could usually identify a player further than 150 yards out by swing alone. So as you can probably tell, this was a pretty big deal for him. Once he got comfortable, I loved how he seamlessly began fraternizing with professional golfers,

"Good luck this week Charlie."

Charles Howell III looks up from signing his scorecard near the driving range, somewhat surprised to be recognized and acknowledged in such a fashion. He straightens up and with a genuine inflection replies, "Hey, thanks a lot."

Then Kurt gives him that "No worries" shoulder shrug and walks out the frame like he just solved a Rubik's Cube in 45 seconds and tossed it to him.

Cracked me up to no end for some reason.


WEDNESDAY

5:03AM - Kurt and myself park in a 7-11 parking lot across the street from Wrigley. Red Bulls and Big Gulps.

5:45AM- It is decided that although a bag of White Castle sliders my seem appealing at the moment, it would ultimately make us logy for the day ahead.

6:26AM - Arriving at Cog Hill public parking. Walking towards the course as the sun rises and the freshly-cut grass reaches upwards.

7:00AM - Watching the greatest golfer (most likely ever) hit a monster tee shot straight down the fairway into the pale murky ether with only 45 other souls in attendance.

7:01AM - Restating my assumptions.

Watching Tiger Woods play golf in person is an irreplaceable experience. I've played the video games, I've watched Masters on Sunday and I've seen the 60 Minutes special on him. Nothing truly prepares you for an up close examination of the most diligently calibrated golf game ever. I'm used to the intimate feel of a golf course, judging the angles and distances as they pertain to my ability. The lack of pressure whenever I draw the blade back is self apparent, because I can always take a mulligan and unbridled success is never an option. With Tiger, every movement is analyzed and every outcome is weighed. Kurt and I both agreed that PGA Tour golfers are playing a different game than us, but Tiger is on his own plane altogether. They all throw darts at the green, the difference is that Tiger has those titanium Sharper Image darts and all the other professionals have plastic darts jammed in a cork that can be attained by leaving your ID with the bartender.

Since this was a Pro-Am in support of the Evans Scholar program, three amateurs donated $7,500 each for the pleasure of playing a round with Tiger. We quickly decided to give these gentlemen names, personas and back stories:

Hustlin' Hank Kowalski: Orange hat, black shirt and a belly putter. He’s clearly the best amateur with a handicap that's probably in the single digits. Let's just say he owns a couple of lumberyards and leave it at that. He even hit a couple approach shots inside Tiger's ball, although he refrained from goading him on with taunts like, "Somebody’s Closer!". Probably a good move.

Howard Greenberg AKA The Wonder Jew with the One Iron AKA Ho-Jew: A dark blue shirt, a bit of a paunch and a surprisingly adept up-and-down save man. A crowd pleaser with his wily antics, continually attempting to interact with Tiger in varied nonchalant ways. Needless to say, Ho-Jew was easy to root for.

Mustache Steve AKA Momo: Mr. Yips settled down after the first couple of difficult holes to provide a very respectable back nine. We liked Momo because of his underdog status and his exquisitely coifed facial hair. He was undoubtedly the worst of the foursome, but we admired his moxie because we'd be a little thrown off to have Mr. Woods waiting on our shots too.


As the morning progressed, the gallery following Woods grew exponentially. The two dozen or so that walked that first fairway with Tiger grew to about 130 people by the 9th hole. I found the range of the group interesting: Chatty old men who are PGA regulars, 7 year old boys with their fathers, Waspy Waspertons, wise cracking black men, middle aged Asian women, etc, etc, etc... People sometimes slam global sports icons such as MJ and Tiger for being too bland and not using their elevated status to help influence positive social change. I think that's asking a bit much from these guys considering the fact that they chose to master the art of putting a ball in a hole instead of running for congress. What I do know is that these stratospheric superstars bring people from all backgrounds and creeds together. They provide us with stories for future generations. They remind us of the potential greatness we seek. Simply, they allow us to dream in a world sometimes clouded with nightmarish effects.

UPDATE: Tiger went 67, 67, 65 and a tournament low 63 in the final round to win by two strokes. He regained top pole position from an idle Phil Mickelson in the Fed Ex Cup standings with one event to go.

And now, your moment of Zen:

AK Drinks the Kool-Aid.

apparently, in order for success to be respected, admired, and lauded, an individual needs to be...

friendly.

(holy shit, abc is using a "segway" for its cameramen at the british open. and they're pimping it. this world is devolving into a hell that trumps the darkest nightmare of george orwell).

by the accounts that matter, barry bonds is an asshole. so-the-fuck-what. i am an asshole. most people i know are assholes. most of the people that i don't know are assholes. i think it's a cultural thing.

henry "hank" aaron hit 755 home runs during his major league career. to date, no one (in the major leagues - if the media is going to devote so much time to the integrity of aaron's home run total, it is completely racist of them to ignore josh gibson at this critical time) has hit more. barry bonds is still playing and has hit 753 home runs during his major league career.

(i just figured out exactly what a "belly-putter" was. it looks like stimulating the g-spot on your umbilicus improves your golf game. jim furyk is using fluff as his caddy. is there such a thing as sloppy seconds in golf?).

barry bonds will absolutely squvish hank's record.

(carnoustie is absolutely beautiful. did sergio just swipe his golf ball on his sac?)

as baseball exists into perpetuity, less attention will be paid to concrete and fixed numbers, and more will be paid to statistics that quantify the peak of an era. the pinnacle of accomplishment in a field of expertise. certainly, baseball players are more skilled, are stronger, and are (more than they have ever been) professionals. just like scientists nowadays are infinitely more advanced than those of centuries past. as always, we stand on the shoulders of giants.

the last year that hank aaron hit 40 home runs was in 1973 (at the age of 39 and, remarkably, in 392 ABs). his last 3 years of home run totals? 20-12-10 (this amounts to 42 home runs...which placed him, for his career, at 713 after the 1973 season. what a coincidence that he would return, despite having passed his prime, to break the home run record. but then again, who wouldn't do that given the circumstances? please note, however, when barry was 39, he hit 45 in 373 ABs).

(http://www.baseball-reference.com/ provides amazing figures of the circumstances under which bonds and aaron hit each of their home runs. i'm sure there is some fascinating stuff in there).

barry bonds has hit 19 homes runs this year. he is 42 and the season is a little more than half over. one could argue (perhaps if hank aaron wasn't such a nice guy) that hammerin' hank was padding his statistics once he eclipsed the babe's record. what, exactly was he contributing to a 68 and 66-win team at this time? since he was padding his stats, can we conclude that during this time hank was being an egoist and an asshole?

(sergio just hit some bystander with a golf ball and went over to check on him during play. i was this close (___) to purchasing ps3 this morning. i live in fear.)

this piece isn't intended as an argument for the validity of bonds breaking the record (i haven't even brought up performance enhancing drugs. it is impossible to quanitfy just how many home runs he would have hit without taking them) and it is certainly not made in support of aaron. it may even be a little disjointed because i am currently drunk. all things are never equal. you can only measure an individual by the circumstances under which he (or she) succeeds or fails.

and that is the substance to which this situation boils down. statistics are an integral part in measuring a baseball players performance. however, without advanced mathematical equations, we cannot compare statistice between different periods of time (i.e. several years), let alone while considering other factors. and we can never get it exactly right. we will never be able to truly compare barry and hank.

(ty wiggninton has really let himself go. bj upton has a nasty gun.)

in gross home run numbers, barry bonds is about to pass hank aaron. he is the second player (in major league baseball) to eclipse 750 home runs. he has a beautiful baseball swing. it is for the ages. baseball players such as bonds are rare. he is one of the greatest hitters ever. this is a time to celebrate his greatness. i don't care if he is reviled as a person. he can play with anyone that has ever played. when he hits 756, i'll be watching and i'll never forget.

and for that, i will applaud.