lest you thought i didn't have any emotions regarding brett favre...

this is an out-of-context e-mail response to my dad and his wisconsinite friend about the recent developments. it's the best i can do presently. this whole deal makes me sick to my stomach. *turns to hit 'play' button to resume listening to "Superstar" as sung by Bette Midler while forlornly sitting in a bubble bath with a bloody mary and surrounded by lit candles scented like apples and clean linen*

"where there's smoke, there's fire but we can never know what transpired behind closed doors. suffice it to say that both brett and management have erred in judgment privately and publicly and as a result the unthinkable has happened and has been allowed to continue to happen.

it's no time for thompson to engage in a battle of ego here. what is best for the packers is brett as quarterback. there are 25 other teams in the league who would kill for a quarterback of his caliber. it defies all logic to choose aaron, who has thrown 59 passes IN HIS CAREER, over brett, who at 38 played one of his best ever seasons. aaron's had 4 months of offseason preparation and game planning. who the fuck cares? with brett favre the packers are the favorite to represent the nfc in the super bowl. without him, they're a question mark. brett has pride, sure. he's been unclear and secretive and combative and all-in-all noncommital as to what he's wanted to do until now. i'll forgive him all that. not because of what he's done on the field, but because he's human. he's a football player and he's the best at what he does. he's not paid to be a fucking diplomat.

thompson, as a general manager, cannot and should not win the battle of pride here. that's not his job. his job is to help the packers win the super bowl. the right thing for the packers is to bring brett back with open arms, forgive him his recent uncertainty and statements, and move on. if aaron is upset, trade HIM. they'll get better value dollar for dollar than they would for brett. and if brett rides off into the sunset (again) next year, there's always brian brohm."

The Black and Blue Division just lost a Hero

Ben and I spoke the other day in muted tones. His pain was all too evident (even over IM) when ESPN started the continuous coverage of Brett Lorenzo Favre after the announcement of his retirement. Ben said, “I’m baffled. Why this year? The team is as good as ever.” I tried to sympathize with him by sharing my experience of losing MJ to his second retirement. I even tried quipping that at least Brett wouldn’t play two lackluster seasons with the Redskins for no discernable reason. While I couldn’t see his expressions, I could sense that these sentiments were falling on the deaf ears of a shocked and saddened man. I asked him if he was going to write a “thank you” post recalling epic moments that shaped his football watching life, but he replied, “We’ll see, it’s just not real right now. He can still change his mind, you know, like midseason when the pack is 4-4. It’s better for me emotionally not to have to confront this until September.”


And you know what? I respect that. I listened to his press conference today and I was touched at how humble and emotional he was about the game of football, the Packers and his life in general. I always knew this about the man, but you never realize it as much as when it’s leaving your life. As a Bears fan, I hated the fact that I was conditioned to hate him. Truth be told, I never really hated him. I just grew frustrated that, since I was eleven years old, my team had to play him twice a year. Never have I seen a player command such a deserving respect from everyone who watched him, on and off the field. I can’t do this moment justice, but I just wanted to put in my two cents. It’s a sad day for the game of football.

For this reason, as well as many others, I understand why Ben doesn’t want to directly address this issue. After all, Spring Training is underway. March Madness is a scant two weeks away. UEFA Cup contestants will be whittled down to eight teams by next week. The NBA West playoffs will be required viewing for every true basketball fan with a pulse. Why complicate such a joyous sports atmosphere with such delicate emotions that arrive when your childhood hero decides to hang up the pads? Benny, don’t pen a word about it until you are ready. It’s completely understandable. All I want to say from one friend to another, that if this sticks, then I don’t envy your Sunday’s from here on out. You’ll be watching a completely different game than the one you’ve been experiencing since 1992. One consolation (if you can call it that) is that you do have three selections in the first two rounds of the NFL Draft next month. The Legend of Favre grows and lives in the stories and DVD’s you hold dear. The sun will shine again and the snow will fall again at Lambeau. Hey, come to think of it.. wasn’t John David Booty also a discounted product of the Gulf Coast region too? Did somebody leave a window open? God... is that you?

Sorry, not funny. I take it back.

This is therapeutic for me...deal with it

One play rarely alters the course of a team's history. This play, the one in question, is one that still salts my exposed and bleeding Packer heart. And from it have sprung both joy and grief.

A playoff loss to the Vikings at home during which Randy Moss celebrated a touchdown by offending Joe Buck's sensibilities. A 4-12 season. Months and months of multiple off-seasons spent living in fear and loathing of a Brett Favre retirement press conference. A too-good-to-be-true 13-3 2007 regular season.

The sequence receiving the most attention this week, and has been since the Jordan Babineaux sealed the Redskins-Seahawks game in the Wild Card Round, is Mr. We Want the Ball and We're Gonna Score quick cut to Al Harris's walk-off interception in overtime at Lambeau. You may have seen the clip several dozen times already this week.

The play about which I write occurred a week later.

To many, 4th and 26 means plenty. To Freddie Mitchell, a new nickname, "First Down Freddie" (Freddie Mitchell, if you are curious, used to be a wide receiver in the National Football League). To the city of Philadelphia, one of the greatest moments in Eagles' history. For Ed Donatell, it meant he was out of a job. It even has it's own MOTHERFUCKING Wikipedia entry.

I don't believe in teams of destiny anymore.

If ever there was a team that seemed to be one, it was the 2003-2004 Green Bay Packers. Beginning with Irv Favre's sudden and unexpected death and culminating with a 17-14 lead, 1:12 remaining in the 4th quarter, the Eagles on their own 25 with no timeouts, it seemed to the team, to the staff, and to the fans that the Packers were fated to be world champions. In between, there was the 399 yard-4 TD Monday night, the miracle victory by the Cardinals over the Vikings (without which the Packers don't even make the playoffs), and the epic battle against the Seahawks.

And then…the Rebs are on the right flank, headquarters is absorbing massive artillery fire, and it's Joe 'Fightin' Joe' Hooker all over again (OK, that was a thinly-veiled attempt to work the Army of the Potomac into the conversation).

It doesn't matter that the Packers blew a 14 point lead in the game. It doesn't matter that Mike Sherman's play-calling on 4th down was abhorrent. Nor does it matter that the Eagles, after that one play, still had to drive down the field to kick the game tying field goal, intercept a pass in overtime, and then drive again to kick the game winner. The only relevant fact about that game is that if the Packers hold the Eagles to 25 yards or less on that one play, the game is over and won.

How does this relate this week's Divisional Playoff against the Seahawks? Only in my head, apparently. Of the 22 starters and the coaching staff from that team, only 8 remain. Mike Sherman is blessedly gone. Darren Sharper, Ahman Green, Marco Rivera, and Mike Wahle have all left. Bubba Franks is on the bench.

But my demons need to be exorcised and the franchise needs put its post-Holmgren postseason ineptitude behind it. The woeful disappointments of the past 4 seasons have been somewhat assuaged by the Packers' performance during the regular season, however, a one-and-done performance this year would only serve to renew the agony with extreme vigor.

I need a confidence that belies the Packers' status as the youngest team in the league. I need a brilliant game plan from Mike McCarthy, who I hope will spend many years on the Packers' sidleline and have one of the streets surrounding Lambeau named after him. I need someone to put a body on Patrick Kerney. I need Matt Hasselbeck on the turf at least 10 times. And, I desperately need this not to be Brett Favre's last game.

Oh…and just for fun. Reprise, bitches.

The Bowler and Benny Greatest Hits: 2007 Edition

It's been six weeks since Ben or I have posted something. The two of us have been fairly busy over the past month, but to be strictly honest our (already woefully inaccurate) NBA preview took it out of us. We just needed a respite in the grand scheme of things. For some, the absence of a B&B original has lasted far too long. For others, this hiatus has served as a great opportunity to waste time on other websites such as cracked.com or this gameboy emulator site. However, for many, the fact that we haven't written anything in weeks has had completely no effect whatsoever. To be fair, we don't much mind that last demographic because we started this blog almost a year ago as a platform for two college buddies to entertain each other... and using that standard, I think it's been a resounding success. Before the advent of this site we'd toil away on our fantasy sports message board churning out the only impassioned and witty smacktalk in the league. On the phone, we'd do our best to fit all the current sports minutia into fifteen minute calls at (the proverbial) halftime during our weekend. While these tactics still exist in a largely reduced role, this blog has served as a wonderful outlet for our collective need to experience sports with equal parts humor and awe.

With that being said, I'd like to thank Ben for agreeing to indulge me in this venture. It's worthwhile because you're on board and I owe you for all the belly laughs you have provided with your roundly appealing and enigmatic banter. You truly are the Alan Arkin to my Peter Falk (I could have gone with Dennis Miller and Norm McDonald, but I thought that would piss you off).

I'd also like to thank TK (my brother) for being such a supportive reader and our most consistent and thoughtful "Comment Hawk". In accordance with that designation I just made up, Ben and I owe you a Andre Dawson-style Salami greeting next time we see you... and even if he's a Cubs fan - and TK is most certainly that. Quite possibly the biggest Cubs fan in all of San Francisco County, which would place him high in the runnin' for biggest Cub's fan worldwide. Sometimes there's a man, sometimes, there's a man....


Speaking of which, Kosuke Fukudome is a Chicago Cub!!! He's basically all I've heard about for the last month and I'm so completely excited about this signing because of the unknown factor. He’s a cross between Ichiro and Hideki Matsui!!! Wait, he's a cross between Ichiro and Eric Brynes!!! Holy crap!!! I'm much too much of a pragmatist to fall for any of this, but he does stack up quite well to other Japanese exports who’ve come to the Majors. UmpBump did an excellent job breaking his game down, so I'll let them handle the details. However, I will say this. Some people are already questioning the amount spent (4 year, $48 million) on a corner outfielder who has never played in MLB, recently had elbow surgery and turns 31 next year. These points all presuppose that the Cubs scouting staff hasn't kicked his tires and done the appropriate leg work. I find that highly unlikely. Cubs fans know that they've been coveting Fukudome for a couple years now, all the while keeping close tabs on him until his contract with the Chunichi Dragons was up. Also, he fits PERFECTLY into this Cubs team. I'm not saying he's the final puzzle piece, but having a versatile left-handed bat with a gaudy OBP that can field AND throw is exactly what we missed. Our corner outfielders will be throwing frozen ropes all around Wrigley for the next handful of years and our centerfielder (Felix Pie) has tremendous speed and an affinity for making sensational catches appear routine. D Lee plays a gold glove caliber first base while Ramirez is much improved at the hot corner. Giovanni Soto showed some tremendous ability (both swinging from and catching behind the plate) towards the end of last year in big games. Theriot, DeRosa and (knock on wood) Brian Roberts would make this not only one of the best fielding teams in the National League, but also one of the premier hitting lineups top-to-bottom. I just reread that last paragraph and it becomes painfully obvious that the Bears are 5-8 and the Bulls are 7-13 right now.


Alright, with the year winding down to a close, I’m going to provide my Top Five favorite posts from Bowler and Benny over the past year:

Honorable Mention
Ben’s reaction to ESPN’s coverage of the Home Run Derby

I liked this piece because it reminded me of simpler times. I recall waking up every morning at 6:45am during grade school because Sportscenter started at 7am. What makes this all the more impressive is that classes didn't start until 8:55am and I lived a ten minute walk from school. People sometimes forget just how wonderfully addicting ESPN was during the "glory days". I'd attentively watch as Keith Olbermann and Dan Patrick wove magic with those highlights while I ate my Life cereal. Now I'm forced to suffer through Trey Wingo and Linda Cohn (sometimes in hi-def *yikes*) attempting to work Hannah Montana jokes into WNBA clips. Kill yourself.

5) My farewell to Mr. Thomas Jones

If you're asking me if I ever get tired of being right, the answer is... Absolutely I do.

4) Ben’s trip to the Packers/Giants game this year

As bad as this sounds coming from a Bears fan, I'm a huge Brett Favre guy. I've been converted because whenever Ben speaks about him, I understand that it's bigger than team affiliations or rivalries. I can hear a little of myself extolling the virtues of Michael Jeffery Jordan in his wildly glowing soliloquies. I still remember that day in January 2002 when the Bears and Packers both fell in the conference semis. Favre threw six interceptions and they lost to the (then great) Rams. We watched our games separately and then reconvened at our apartment and traded solemn, yet knowing nods of mutual defeat. I'll never forget it because Ben wasn't mad, he was just disappointed because he knew the greatness was there. Everyone has that ONE GUY from their childhood that will always be the truest of sports heroes. My dad had Brooks Robinson, my brother has Ryne Sandberg and Benny... has Brett Favre.

3) My brush with Greatness (personified by Tiger Woods)

I'll always remember the '89 Cubs season. I'll always remember those Knicks vs. Bulls playoff series in the early 90's. I'll always remember the 2006 Bears and what they did for the city of Chicago. Congruently, I'll always remember seeing Tiger Woods in person, methodically calibrating his game and staring down a golf course that he would destroy over the next four days. These are things that never leave you.

2) A Cubbie afternoon in late June

I've done running diaries of both Bears and Bulls games, but never at a Cubbies game. This was my first run at it and I was extremely pleased with the way things turned out. I can still recall how ominous the sky was that day and how, now in the middle of winter, just how wonderful those long days felt. The sun is setting at 4:13pm today and Wrigley Field is just a big building that I have to walk around to get to Clark street. March can't come soon enough.

1) TIE

Athletes and Hip-Hop: Why Just Because You Can, Doesn't Mean You Should

and

When doing what I want goes wrong

Easily the funniest thing we've done all year. I understand that making fun of athletes "performing" hip-hop is like shooting fish in a barrel, but that doesn't make it any less amusing. If you have yet to peruse these "10 worst" videos, please do so right now and thank us later...

September 16th, 2007

This past Sunday, my dad, Karen, Amy, Kim, and I (and thousands of other Packer fans) invaded Giants Stadium. The chronicle of the day follows below:

My dad and my sisters show up at around 8:30 a.m. in Hoboken after getting an early start from Long Island. The excited early morning banter consists of picks for the day, last minute fantasy football adjustments, and determining just how much bean dip is enough bean dip (a baked casserole consisting of layered refried beans, salsa, sour cream, and shredded mozzarella, it holds a place of honor in Carthew family lore and has been present in triumph and in failure.)

Karen, still in bed, announces that she refuses to get up until her snowsuit is brought to her. For two consecutive years Karen's bio-rhythms have successfully coincided with the arrival of football season.

We begin to get together lawn chairs, pots and pans, liquor and beer, and various other accoutrements and undertake the 15 minute journey to East Rutherford. Soon after entering the lot on the east side of the stadium at 10:25, we pull into the center of 3 vacant spots knowing that the neighboring locations will not be filled until shortly before gametime. Everyone is about their business setting up propane stoves, cracking beers, and mixing drinks as Giants Stadium hovers in the background. My dad has brought several items of Green Bay Packers paraphenalia which precariously perch on the hatchback of the Volkswagen. These pieces of "flair" are brought out of their showcase for every game that the Packers play back in the house in Merrick and consist of a beanbag football that has three different versions of the "Go, Pack, Go" chant, a Russian babushka doll (inside are Favre, Reggie White, Antonio Freeman, LeRoy Butler, and Mark "I thought she was 27" Chmura), and a horrid metal and wood work of art spelling "PACKERS" in stenciled lettering.

The bratwursts soak in 12 fluid ounces of Budweiser as the cigars are lit and the conversation meanders from recent terrifying experiences with marijuana to at what point has one eaten too much bean dip to why the fuck do so many Giants fans willfully elect to wear Eli Manning jerseys. Seriously, if you're a Giants fan, and if you own a Manning or Brandon Jacobs jersey, please kill yourself, because you're the reason why the Meadowlands was half empty with 8 minutes left in the game and the Giants down merely 2 scores. Kudos, however, is deserved by the people who had Banks, Carson, Simms, Hampton, Bavaro, McConkey, and Way (yes, THE Charles Way) sewn or ironed between the shoulders.


The time seems to pass quicker as the root beer and vodkas are downed and the sweet smell of brat and beer steam from the pan. Coupled with a pristine end-of-summer day that carries just enough of a hint of autumn to qualify for football weather, few things in life are so simple yet so perfect.

At 12:30 we trek to take our seats via the port-o-potties that stand within a brisk walk from the south entrance of the stadium. I will eschew any description of the stall that had "tiki barber is gay" scribbled on the wall because I don't want you to despair and lose all hope in humanity as I have. We split up with Amy and Kim and leave them to their own devices. I expect them at least a half dozen stories of sexual harrassment from 45 to 55 year old men. It's not funny guys, it's creepy.

As we take our own seats we are immediately greeted with "Now you know what Custer felt like," from the male couple in front of us. As I explain the historical reference to Karen, she loudly comments on how that is probably one of the lamest things one could say in that situation. We realize we're surrounded by douchebag Giants fans (my favorite kind). In spite of this, we receive very little heckling, even during the first 3 quarters (while the game was, you know, still in doubt) because (i) Giants fans prefer to complain about perfectly solid officiating; and (ii) they would prefer to heckle their own team.

The pace of the game is slow during 1st quarter, each team sparring and content to battle for field position and each missing a field goal. Then, "startling, like lightning out of a clear sky," as C.S. Lewis once described the Lord of the Rings trilogy, Brett Favre made a throw (one of several) that subconciously makes you rise out of your seat and gape, the only noise capable of describing what it was like to witness that moment is a guttural yell and the only gesture an irrational point at the man who authored it. This toss, a 46 yard bomb caught James Jones streaking down the sidelines in stride and surrounded by 3 defenders with 11 minutes left in the half. The Pack light up the board shortly thereafter on a run by Wynn.

The Giants would answer right back on a 2 play drive culminating in a nice throw-and-catch from Manning to Plaxico. Save for Giants field goal to take the lead into the half, the rest of the 2nd quarter continued to pass uneventfully. Beer time.

As the 2nd half started, the Packers special teams showed an example of an all-around performance that contributed substantially the victory by returning the kickoff to around midfield. In addition to this return and in spite of the missed field goal, the special teams forced and recovered a fumble and consistently provided the Giants offense with subpar field position. The short drive that resulted in a touchdown pass to Bubba Franks (his 587th from inside the 5 yard line) would put the Packers in the lead for good.

Following another Tynes field goal, the subsequent drive bridged the 3rd and 4th quarters and was finished by another beautiful toss, this time to Donald Lee in the corner of the end zone. This drive was the critical point of the game as there appeared to be a clear change in momentum and the Packers began to impose their will on offense by altering the tempo and going to a quick huddle. We would also find out later that Brett completed his first 14 passes of the final half, simply a surreal performance to watch. His next touchdown pass, following the aforementioned fumble was thrown as hard as I've seen him throw the ball and left a vapor trail through 3 levels of the Giants defense to find Donald Driver in the back of the end zone.

The remainder of the game put an exclamation point on the victory as Eli threw a pass that only can be described as effeminate and frightened to a rushing defensive lineman and Mr. Wynn (I'm still learning his first name) sprinted for a long rushing touchdown. If it weren't for that rush, the Packers would've finished with under 50 yards rushing. If we entertain any hope of winning this division, the rushing performance will need to improve to something a little better than less than mediocre. I never thought I would be so fervently hoping for the return of Vernand Morency.

The game ended 35-13 and we ventured down to the end zone where the players exit into the tunnels to the locker room. On this day, Brett broke the career record for victories by a quarterback and we and the other remaining Packers fans wanted to give him a send off for this accomplishment. This time, unlike a few others involving Brett, I was able to hold back tears. Barely. I hope that wasn't the last time that I will get to see him play in person because there has been nothing that I have seen that can compare to it.


As we exited the stadium, we decided to celebrate the victory with a post-game tailgate, some now-cooled bean dip, a couple more beers, and throwing the football around. Sometimes, life is just so good and so easy.


(pictures, courtesy of Karen)

Prince Fielder/Brett Favre underdogs of greatness

You have asked for it, and it has so been made.

For me, this September has arrived with more at stake than any other that I can remember.

For the past 2 months, I have physically been unable to write more than a sentence or two about the Brewers. I wanted to at all costs avoid a post that with the theme of "unfortunately, my April prediction was dead-on...the Brewers of the 21st century fade around the All-Star Break...etc"

This time around was even worse, not simply because they were losing games, but because: 1. they blew a 8.5 game lead since that time and 2. in an absolutely ridiculous amount of those games (20 or so) they have blown a lead of 3 runs or more (this includes "Aramis Ramirez game", where they held a 5-0 lead early and lost 6-5 on a walkoff job in the bottom of the 9th. If the Brewers fail to win the Central, this will be the game that you've gotta point to as the seminal moment for their collapse.)



Since that time, and before their latest homestand, they have been 20-35. Knowing that they probably should have won at least 7-10 games during this period and those games will be the difference between possibly losing the division and comfortably clinching with a week left in the season is something that we, collectively, need to put behind us.

The emotional mindfuck notwithstanding, it has served as an unbelieveable prologue to the most exciting divisional race in baseball. Exciting, not only because three teams are within 1.5 games of 1st place, but also because the Cubs and the Cardinals have played stretches of baseball that have been almost as perplexing as the Brewers and no one team can monopolize on the frustrating ineptitude of any of the others (i.e. the Cardinals have just dropped 2 of 3 at home to the Pirates and the Cubs have had ample opportunity to slam the door on the Brewers during the last few weeks in August). Milwaukee plays 10 at home and 13 on the road to finish the season (against relatively mediocre competition and including a critical home series against the Cards in the final week) and given their mini-surge to begin September, I am more hopeful than ever that I will have the opportunity to pee my pants no later than October 1st.

Every year since Mike Martz (who, because he molests collies, should be investigated for cruelty to animals as well) and the Greatest Show on Turf replicated Custer's performance at the Little Big Horn, the NFC has appeared to get worse and worse in quality. When the New Orleans Saints seem to be the consensus pick to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl (and when in the same breath its concluded that the AFC champ will cut off 'zeir johnson), we know that the age of dominant teams in the NFC has passed. Gone are the Cowboys, 49ers, and Packers of the 1990s (and to a lesser extent the Rams and Eagles shortly thereafter).

This is fantastic news for the 2007 Green Bay Packers. A team that was picked to finish with 4-5 wins last year due to having a "shitty" team on paper actually finished a respectable 8-8 and, had Giants defense buckled after puzzling* 4th quarter playcalling by Tom Coughlin against the 'Skins, they would've been a playoff team.

Logic would follow, that this year the Packers should be even better. The defense looks as strong as it has been since the Minister of Defense retired, the offense seems to have a more clear idea of how to execute its game plan, and most importantly (for me, anyway), I think this is the year that Brett Favre will be his most focused.

I know that my hero-worship and apologism for Brett has been borderline homo-erotic (ok, maybe not even borderline), but I wouldn't discount this as a critical factor in sparking a brief Packers renaissance. He's gotten is beef with the organization out of his system, he is even more committed to winning this year because he was closer than ever to retiring after last season, he has more experience with the coaching staff, and I think he won't feel the burden of carrying the team as much. As we all know, the desire to make the unbelieveable or impossible play has become a subject of mockery of late. I simply don't think you'll see as much of that this year because of a combination of a mental adjustment made on his part and because the team will be better as a whole. These statements may seem to be preposterous and lack justification, but I am incapable of thinking rationally about Brett. I have a crush on him and will probably get his salt-and-pepper stubbled face tattooed on my back like he is Jesus** or something. There'll be a whole post devoted to this later, don't worry.

Finally, the Packers have 4 games against the Lions and the Vikings. That's 4 wins right there. The Lions and the Vikings are an embarrassment of their former selves and to the NFC North. They will both go 0-14-2 (clever, eh?) and will then be immediately contracted.

Anyway, if the Packers aren't one of the best 6 teams in the NFC by the end of the season, it will have been one of the most disappointing letdowns that I will have ever experienced in sports.

The end. I'll have a less whimsical commentary by Saturday or Sunday morning, but I'm at work right now so this post is more of a coping mechanism for me to make it through the day without throwing my coffee mug against the interior faux brick wall or urinating on the carpet in our file room.


*by "puzzling", I mean "mentally handicapped" or "really fucking retarded"

** yay, Jesus