All in all, this set of predictions appears to be exactly what it is: a compilation of stream-of-consciousness thoughts about basketball teams loosely tied in to one of the most underrated movies of the 21st century. Regardless, we here at Bowler and Benny are accountable for what we've posted so, without any further delay, my half-baked analysis of my half-baked predictions for the 2007-08 NBA season.
New York Knicks
Predicted: 22-60
Actual: 23-59
Difference: 1
Douchebaggery a la basketball. When Jamal Crawford leads your team in assists and that's the LEAST of your problems we're talking about historical ineptitude. Caution, if you were a Knicks fan during the 1990s, reading this may cause you to swallow your tongue. In describing the 2007-08 Knickerbockers, the first comparison that comes to mind is dead kitten lying in a urined and poopied adult diaper somewhere in Camden, New Jersey.
Verdict: Fuck a pearl necklace, I'm dotting eyes.
Denver Nuggets
Predicted: 52-30
Actual: 50-32
Difference: 2
At this point, looks like one series and done. Explosiveness on offense allowed them to make the playoffs in a strong Western Conference, but they don't play defense well enough to be considered an elite team or a contender. Allen Iverson's numbers during his age-32 season show slight improvement from last year's partial season with Denver by putting up 26-7-3-2 and averaging a full turnover less per game, a promising sign for the next few seasons.
Verdict: No darkhorse in this stable, but the shoe is close to the pin.
Cleveland Cavaliers
Predicted: 43-39
Actual: 45-37
Predicted: 2
I know Donny cringes (and rightly so) when another player is compared to Michael Jordan, but BronBron, the career points leader in Cleveland, really does appear to serve the role of a mid-80s Jordan. Carries an otherwise awful team night in and night out, puts up gaudy numbers, and has elevated his game yet again this season. He has been and will continue to be awesome to watch during the playoffs. The Cavaliers are well on their way to advancing to the Conference Semifinals, but they were outscored by opponents during the regular season and there's no way they win 4 outta 7 against the Celtics.
Verdict: A bit too harsh on LeBron, but overall a fair assessment.
Indiana Pacers
Predicted: 33-49
Actual: 36-46
Difference: 3
No offense to Danny Granger, but Danny Granger would be the sixth man on a championship team. He is the best player on the Pacers. That said, this collection of fair-to-middling journeymen over-achieved and finished 3rd place, albeit in an absolutely putrid Central Division. Drafting Jermaine O'Neal every year is exemplary of why my fantasy basketball skills are lacking.
Verdict: 36 wins was a best case scenario for the Pacers.
Philadelphia 76ers
Predicted: 37-45
Actual: 40-42
Difference: 3
In what has been the biggest surprise of the playoffs thus far, the 76ers took 2 of the first 3 games from Detroit (including, a facial dick-smacking on Friday night). They don't win the series, but in all a nice showing from a team that shouldn't have even made the playoffs, except for the fact that the play in the Eastern Conference. The Andres (Iguodala and Miller) make this team go. Is it just me, or should Samuel Dalembert be better than 10-10-2?
Verdict: My distaste for Philadelphia affected this prediction.
San Antonio Spurs
Predicted: 60-22
Actual: 56-26
Difference: 4
San Antonio continues to prove that the king is still the king until he has been killed. They recovered from a slow start to win the Southwest Division and have dismantled the Phoenix Suns in the first round. They've sustained their success by keeping their core personnel, playing top flight defense, and employing a deep and competent bench of Barry, Udoka, Oberto, Thomas, Vaughn, Elson, etc.
Verdict: In the neighborhood, but points off for picking the Suns to beat them.
Washington Wizards
Predicted: 50-32
Actual: 43-39
Difference: 7
Although I am thrilled to see former fellow UVA student Roger Mason, Jr. logging something other than DNPs, missing Gilbert Arenas for 69 games clearly diminished the Wizards' long-term performance. Though Antwan Jamison and Caron Butler both had nice years, neither could replace Agent Zero's offense, which is demonstrated by a drop in team Offensive Rating from 3rd in 2007 to 10th in 2008. A disappointing showing against Cleveland will lead to an early exit from the playoffs.
Verdict: Using my mulligan now because there's some right (meaning stinky) shite coming up.
New Jersey Nets
Predicted: 41-41
Actual: 34-48
Difference: 7
Just a crappy, crappy team. Only slightly crappier without Jason Kidd (11-19) as they were with him and his menstrual cramps (23-29). The secret to their success was clearly Billy Thomas. The New Jersey Nets were 3-1 in games he played for them and 31-47 without. They should try getting him back from Cleveland during the off-season before the Cavaliers lock him up to a long-term deal.
Verdict: I underestimated just how crappy this team is.
Seattle Supersonics
Predicted: 20-62
Actual: 29-53
Difference: 9
No surprise that they finished in last place in the Northwest Division. It matters little how poor record they had this season. The folks in Seattle wouldn’t have cared if they finished 0-82 so long as they have a team to support. Next year they won't. And that's a terrible shame.
Verdict: David Stern should eat a dick.
Phoenix Suns
Predicted: 66-16
Actual: 55-27
Difference: 11
Back in November, I posted this: "This is a potential top-10 team historically." So yeah, um, apparently team chemistry is a little more important than I thought. And defense. And shooting free throws. In light of Phoenix's current 3-1 deficit to the Spurs, we forget that this is still the 2nd ranked offense in the NBA. The rub though, and in this case there is a rather large one, is that their mediocre defense (both before and after the arrival of Shaq) is always suspect and at times has been abused over the course of the season.
Verdict: Stupid run-n-gun offenses with your big breasts and Brazilian wax and hot friends.
Utah Jazz
Predicted: 41-41
Actual: 54-28
Difference: 13
Deron Williams. Carlos Boozer. The best offense in the league. Shoulda known better. I always underestimate this team. Part of me thinks it subconsciously has to do with their nickname being the "Jazz". This should've been dealt with in 1979. I'll tell ya exactly what I'd do if I were a Mormon, man. Two wives at the same time.
Verdict: 41-41 really means, "I know nothing about this team and I'm hoping for the best."
Milwaukee Bucks
Predicted: 43-41 (I’d like to call this a typographical error but you should also know that I'm retarded)
Actual: 26-56
Difference: 17
I am fucking delusional. And this is beyond being-a-homer delusional, it is far worse. When did the wheels come off? When Ramon Sessions started logging more minutes than Yi Jianlian and Bobby Simmons? When the Bucks started playing the worst defense in the league? When Larry Krystkowiak was formally hired to replace Terry Stotts? At this point, Andrew Bogut is far closer to Michael Olowokandi and Kwame Brown than he is to Tim Duncan or Larry Johnson. Looking through the roster, I see names I haven't seen since I watched March Madness in high school. Jake Voshkuhl, Charlie Bell, Royal Ivey, Charlie Villanueva. The most baffling part is I still kinda like this team on paper. I have myself half-believing that Scott Skiles and a top 3 pick in the draft can make this a playoff team next year, when they're probably better off blowing it up and selling the spare parts.
Verdict: This team plateaued before the season started. I s-thuck (Wipes self off).
New Orleans Hornets
Predicted: 36-46
Actual: 56-26
Difference: 20
Way off. Way. But it couldn't have happened to a better team. They're young and they're fun to watch. Chris Paul is my MVP just for being able to resuscitate Peja Sotjakovic's career. They're about to regulate the Mavericks and will test the Spurs in the Semifinals. I think there's too much experience waiting for them in that round to be able to emerge victorious and make it to the Western Conference Finals, but consider me on the bandwagon. And admit it, we're all a little better off now that the Birdman is back in our lives.
Verdict: Who saw this coming? Byron Scott's son might've.
Predicted: 22-60
Actual: 23-59
Difference: 1
Douchebaggery a la basketball. When Jamal Crawford leads your team in assists and that's the LEAST of your problems we're talking about historical ineptitude. Caution, if you were a Knicks fan during the 1990s, reading this may cause you to swallow your tongue. In describing the 2007-08 Knickerbockers, the first comparison that comes to mind is dead kitten lying in a urined and poopied adult diaper somewhere in Camden, New Jersey.
Verdict: Fuck a pearl necklace, I'm dotting eyes.
Denver Nuggets
Predicted: 52-30
Actual: 50-32
Difference: 2
At this point, looks like one series and done. Explosiveness on offense allowed them to make the playoffs in a strong Western Conference, but they don't play defense well enough to be considered an elite team or a contender. Allen Iverson's numbers during his age-32 season show slight improvement from last year's partial season with Denver by putting up 26-7-3-2 and averaging a full turnover less per game, a promising sign for the next few seasons.
Verdict: No darkhorse in this stable, but the shoe is close to the pin.
Cleveland Cavaliers
Predicted: 43-39
Actual: 45-37
Predicted: 2
I know Donny cringes (and rightly so) when another player is compared to Michael Jordan, but BronBron, the career points leader in Cleveland, really does appear to serve the role of a mid-80s Jordan. Carries an otherwise awful team night in and night out, puts up gaudy numbers, and has elevated his game yet again this season. He has been and will continue to be awesome to watch during the playoffs. The Cavaliers are well on their way to advancing to the Conference Semifinals, but they were outscored by opponents during the regular season and there's no way they win 4 outta 7 against the Celtics.
Verdict: A bit too harsh on LeBron, but overall a fair assessment.
Indiana Pacers
Predicted: 33-49
Actual: 36-46
Difference: 3
No offense to Danny Granger, but Danny Granger would be the sixth man on a championship team. He is the best player on the Pacers. That said, this collection of fair-to-middling journeymen over-achieved and finished 3rd place, albeit in an absolutely putrid Central Division. Drafting Jermaine O'Neal every year is exemplary of why my fantasy basketball skills are lacking.
Verdict: 36 wins was a best case scenario for the Pacers.
Philadelphia 76ers
Predicted: 37-45
Actual: 40-42
Difference: 3
In what has been the biggest surprise of the playoffs thus far, the 76ers took 2 of the first 3 games from Detroit (including, a facial dick-smacking on Friday night). They don't win the series, but in all a nice showing from a team that shouldn't have even made the playoffs, except for the fact that the play in the Eastern Conference. The Andres (Iguodala and Miller) make this team go. Is it just me, or should Samuel Dalembert be better than 10-10-2?
Verdict: My distaste for Philadelphia affected this prediction.
San Antonio Spurs
Predicted: 60-22
Actual: 56-26
Difference: 4
San Antonio continues to prove that the king is still the king until he has been killed. They recovered from a slow start to win the Southwest Division and have dismantled the Phoenix Suns in the first round. They've sustained their success by keeping their core personnel, playing top flight defense, and employing a deep and competent bench of Barry, Udoka, Oberto, Thomas, Vaughn, Elson, etc.
Verdict: In the neighborhood, but points off for picking the Suns to beat them.
Washington Wizards
Predicted: 50-32
Actual: 43-39
Difference: 7
Although I am thrilled to see former fellow UVA student Roger Mason, Jr. logging something other than DNPs, missing Gilbert Arenas for 69 games clearly diminished the Wizards' long-term performance. Though Antwan Jamison and Caron Butler both had nice years, neither could replace Agent Zero's offense, which is demonstrated by a drop in team Offensive Rating from 3rd in 2007 to 10th in 2008. A disappointing showing against Cleveland will lead to an early exit from the playoffs.
Verdict: Using my mulligan now because there's some right (meaning stinky) shite coming up.
New Jersey Nets
Predicted: 41-41
Actual: 34-48
Difference: 7
Just a crappy, crappy team. Only slightly crappier without Jason Kidd (11-19) as they were with him and his menstrual cramps (23-29). The secret to their success was clearly Billy Thomas. The New Jersey Nets were 3-1 in games he played for them and 31-47 without. They should try getting him back from Cleveland during the off-season before the Cavaliers lock him up to a long-term deal.
Verdict: I underestimated just how crappy this team is.
Seattle Supersonics
Predicted: 20-62
Actual: 29-53
Difference: 9
No surprise that they finished in last place in the Northwest Division. It matters little how poor record they had this season. The folks in Seattle wouldn’t have cared if they finished 0-82 so long as they have a team to support. Next year they won't. And that's a terrible shame.
Verdict: David Stern should eat a dick.
Phoenix Suns
Predicted: 66-16
Actual: 55-27
Difference: 11
Back in November, I posted this: "This is a potential top-10 team historically." So yeah, um, apparently team chemistry is a little more important than I thought. And defense. And shooting free throws. In light of Phoenix's current 3-1 deficit to the Spurs, we forget that this is still the 2nd ranked offense in the NBA. The rub though, and in this case there is a rather large one, is that their mediocre defense (both before and after the arrival of Shaq) is always suspect and at times has been abused over the course of the season.
Verdict: Stupid run-n-gun offenses with your big breasts and Brazilian wax and hot friends.
Utah Jazz
Predicted: 41-41
Actual: 54-28
Difference: 13
Deron Williams. Carlos Boozer. The best offense in the league. Shoulda known better. I always underestimate this team. Part of me thinks it subconsciously has to do with their nickname being the "Jazz". This should've been dealt with in 1979. I'll tell ya exactly what I'd do if I were a Mormon, man. Two wives at the same time.
Verdict: 41-41 really means, "I know nothing about this team and I'm hoping for the best."
Milwaukee Bucks
Predicted: 43-41 (I’d like to call this a typographical error but you should also know that I'm retarded)
Actual: 26-56
Difference: 17
I am fucking delusional. And this is beyond being-a-homer delusional, it is far worse. When did the wheels come off? When Ramon Sessions started logging more minutes than Yi Jianlian and Bobby Simmons? When the Bucks started playing the worst defense in the league? When Larry Krystkowiak was formally hired to replace Terry Stotts? At this point, Andrew Bogut is far closer to Michael Olowokandi and Kwame Brown than he is to Tim Duncan or Larry Johnson. Looking through the roster, I see names I haven't seen since I watched March Madness in high school. Jake Voshkuhl, Charlie Bell, Royal Ivey, Charlie Villanueva. The most baffling part is I still kinda like this team on paper. I have myself half-believing that Scott Skiles and a top 3 pick in the draft can make this a playoff team next year, when they're probably better off blowing it up and selling the spare parts.
Verdict: This team plateaued before the season started. I s-thuck (Wipes self off).
New Orleans Hornets
Predicted: 36-46
Actual: 56-26
Difference: 20
Way off. Way. But it couldn't have happened to a better team. They're young and they're fun to watch. Chris Paul is my MVP just for being able to resuscitate Peja Sotjakovic's career. They're about to regulate the Mavericks and will test the Spurs in the Semifinals. I think there's too much experience waiting for them in that round to be able to emerge victorious and make it to the Western Conference Finals, but consider me on the bandwagon. And admit it, we're all a little better off now that the Birdman is back in our lives.
Verdict: Who saw this coming? Byron Scott's son might've.
Boston Celtics
Predicted: 46-36
Actual: 66-16
Difference: 20
I must confess, because I staked my reputation on this prediction, I followed Boston more than any other team throughout the season. When they won their first 8, I was concerned. When they were 20-2, I was tempted to "accidentally" delete their preview from my initial post. When they won their 46th game on March 2nd, I knew I would have some 'splainin' to do. I am embarrassed and I'm sorry (although, in a weird way, I do feel somewhat vindicated they have redefined the term "over-hyped").
Verdict: Everything I know about basketball is wrong. I know nothing about basketball.
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1 comment:
Well played Benny. I won't lie, I was a little relieved that I didn't have to make that Celts pick. I probably would have been the one eating crow instead of you.
I'll be honest, the NBA was a little dead to me this year. The Bulls demise took it out of me.
I'm kinda glad we have the baseball season ahead of us which I feel like we have a slightly better grasp on.
By the way, the "wipes self off" line made me shoot beer out my nose even if no one else gets it.
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